Page 43 of When Sinners Fear
“Coffee. I don’t feel like sleeping.”
Some rustling and cupboards closing later, and he finally comes out with some double shots of espresso and a plate of food. I don’t eat any of it, but he does.
“You should be resting,” he says. “Doc said you should have some kinda stuff going in your veins still.”
Sighing, I look out at the grounds and take in the lights dotted around in the closing dusk. I’m not wheeling a fucking intravenous drip around with me to show my weakness, despite being in the sanctuary of my own home. “I don’t need it. All I need is some peace for a while. I’ll be fine.”
“Not what he said to Abel. Said you were close to death.”
“Do I look dead?”
He chuckles, but it soon turns to his usual low-lying anger rumbling as he kicks his feet up onto the coffee table. “You wanna talk about it?”
I look at his roughed-up boots and old, black jeans, smiling at the sight of them. “About as much as you want to talk about Mariana.”
“I don’t mind talking about Mariana.” My brow cocks, and I turn to look at him. “What?” he says, taking another bite of his food.
“You missed your own birthday because of her.”
“I didn’t miss my birthday. Had a great fucking birthday. Sat on a beach, drank until I couldn’t see straight, and got the mother of all cock-sucking because I made the right call by the woman I love.”
“You didn’t make a call. You had to make it. Because of Mariana.”
He shrugs. “Yeah. Can’t say I’ve hated every minute of it, though.”
“You haven’t missed it, us?”
“I didn’t say that. You’re all blood. Feels like I’ve cut my damn arm off most of the time.” He downs his own shot of espresso and walks off into the house again, returning soon after with another. “What’s up with the girl? Who is she?”
I frown. “No one. She’ll be gone tomorrow.”
“Reed do that to her?”
My own relatively calm attitude drops to ice-like proportions, and I stare aimlessly. “No. I did.”
“You? Why?”
“Had to. It was the only way.”
“Only way to what?"
Survive.
The cages come back into my head. Dirty, dark, exhausting. And then there’s the feel of pain landing on me again, of my own hands hurting her. “I got a knife inside her to take her virginity, and then I raped her, and then I beat her. Under instruction. They watched it all.” I stare out into the night air, still able to smell the stench of piss around us. “They started on me first. Burnt me, beat me, but then it was her turn. Better me than them.” I can still feel her in my grip, too, still see the tears and terror in her eyes that first time. “We were on a date. At the SAMSAT.” I turn to look at him. “Some fucking date, huh?”
“A date?”
“Yeah.”
“A real one?”
My eyes slant at his. “No. Why are you here?”
“Where the fuck else would I be?”
“On a beach. Enjoying yourself.”
He looks affronted instantly. “I was, but Abel called me when no one could find you. Asked if you were with me.” I drink my espresso, cold, and stand to go make another. He follows me, hovering around like I might fall any fucking minute. “We looked everywhere, talked to everyone. No one knew anything.”