Page 15 of Planet Wolf
“You had a seizure, that’s all I know. Afterward, you became property, basically, of the Union who ID’d you and contacted us. We paid to get you back. That was several days ago. They transported you here.” He leveled a stare at me. “They don’t know for sure that you were in the explosion. They’re blaming it on the Bears, but they suspect it. We denied any knowledge of your actions, so that’s where we are.”
That still didn’t answer what I really wanted to know.What happened to my three companions?“What about the men I was with?”
They looked at each other and then back at me. Patrice finally asked, “What men?”
“Three Wolf shifters. I was with them the whole time. I’m alivebecauseof them.”Leader. Doctor. Hunter. “They saved me and then kept me alive. Maybe… I think Doc—that’s what I thought of one of them as—he knew I was getting worse. We ran… then here I am.”
Doug sighed. “I don’t know anything about any Wolf shifters. The Union told us that they found you in a town. They didn’t know how you got there, but we know the Union lies. About everything. So, whatever happened to your saviors, I don’t know. I’m sorry. Maybe they’re the ones who got you help? I can’t begin to guess.”
My heart raced as Doug spoke, and the machines beeped louder. I closed my eyes. I wanted to curl in a ball and disappear. I would have, if moving didn’t hurt so much. Hearing that they were just… gone? It was like someone took a drill and put a hole right where my soul was supposed to be. I teared up and wiped the wetness away. What was wrong with me?
“I don’t even know their names. Not their real names, anyway. I can’t find them.” I sniffed. “And they did so much for me.”
They made me feel alive when I’d been dying for the entirety of my life. They were kind to me. And beautiful in a way men were not supposed to be. I didn’t speak those last sentences aloud. I could never share the really important thoughts with anyone.
“Honey?” Patrice stroked my hair. “Are you okay?”
No. I’m not okay. That’s what I wanted to say. I’ve never been okay. I will neverbeokay. I just go day by day waiting for time to pass, trying to do anything meaningful, so that it’s evident that I was here at all.
“Sure, I’m fine. Just overwhelmed,” I lied.
I said that instead because it was easier for everyone if I pretended to be okay. My cousins weren’t responsible for what happened. They weren’t the reason I’d never know the real names of the men who had held me at night, carried me through the wilderness, swam with me, laughed with me, and kissed me—all without knowing a thing about me.
They seemed to care.
I wiped at my eyes again. Well, clearly, theyhad. They thought I was Union, so they gave me back to the Union. And, they’d taken care of me until they could, which was more than I had any right to expect from them.
Patrice lay down next to me in the hospital bed. “You’ve been through a lot.”
She really had no idea how true of a statement she’d just made. “Yes.”
Doug shook his head. “Don’t risk yourself going forward, Esther. We love you. You know that, right? And Lucas and the others feel the same, too. He was here until he had to run a shipment back to Earth. The oranges were going bad.”
My cousin, the bad pilot who trailed me, was running oranges back to Earth. It was so typical of our family and the random things we did. Yes, they loved me. I did know that. And I loved them, too, only right then, it did nothing to fill the hole that losing three men I really hadn’t truthfully known created inside of me. I put my head on Patrice’s shoulder. “When can I get out of here?”
“A while. They don’t like that you were unconscious for so long. That’s never happened before to you.”
Why had that happened? Was it some kind of indication of something dire? I was too tired to care.
“This really sucks, Patrice.” I just had to say it. “Everything is just the pits. I’ve tried to be upbeat and not burdensome, but I am so pissed. And upset. I just have to say it. I really fucking hate this.”
She nodded. “I know. Me too.”
Doug raised his hand. “Me three.”
I did love my family, and I was luckier than most. Somehow, I would have to remember that as I slowly died inside, though I couldn’t explain, even to myself, why.
* * *
I triedto find my purpose again. Doug held rallies, and I stayed toward the back. He talked about the Union, and all of the ill they did to the universe and to Earth itself. Truth was ever since they gave me back to Doug for so little money or concern, it dawned on me how little the organization cared about us or the fuss we were supposed to be making about them. They hardly charged anything for my return. If they really considered us a threat, I would’ve been dead. They simply would’ve killed me when I was out cold and been done with me.
It was late afternoon, so I needed to get home, change my clothes, and get to Patrice’s art show. Nine months pregnant, and she was still amazing. The governor, an ally of Doug’s, was hosting the show. It would be a chance to raise credits for our cause of ousting the Union while also celebrating Patrice’s incredible talent.
Of course, her husband was losing his shit. All he wanted was for Patrice to rest inside with her feet up until the baby came. But Patrice was the most like our grandmother out of all of us. She tended to get what she wanted with just a look, so the showing at the governor’s house was happening whether Doug or her husband liked it or not.
Since I wasn’t currently bedridden, I was expected to go.
It took me a long time to get home, since I walked slowly at the moment. It was as though my trek through Planet Wolf sucked away what little energy I had most of the time.