Page 56 of Her Demon Mate

I get dressed very slowly. My limbs feel heavy, and I feel weak. When I look at myself in the small mirror that hangs in my bedroom, all traces of the strong, tough soldier are gone.

Instead, my mouth is downturned, and my eyes are shining, and I amangry.

She is going to destroy me. If I ever see her again, of course.

At this point, I doubt Elia will want to see me again. Usually, women beg me to stay the night. They beg me for romance. They beg me for comfort.

And I have never found any woman I could give any of that to.

Until Elia.

I finish my morning ablutions in the bathroom attached to my bedroom and head to the kitchen to grind, roast, and brew some kaffo.

And there, in the middle of the living space of my apartment, stands Vylco.

“What the fuck are you doing here?” My voice is blunt and sharp. I was already angry before I saw him.

But this intrusion, this early in the morning, after I have just realized that Elia has left, is enough to tip me over the edge.

I stride angrily up to Vylco, who backs away from me, holding up his hands in surrender.

That is when I see it. The piece of paper in his hand.

My anger leaves me so quickly that I deflate. “What is it?”

The letter could be anything. It could, for example, be a letter from General Senel, telling me that I am required back in the service.

Maybe going back is the best thing for you. You thought you had something here, in the real world, to live for. But Elia left. She clearly doesn’t want to give that to you. You have nothing here to live for, you may as well do something productive.

Even if it ends up killing you.

My thoughts become darker with every passing second.

Vylco looks at me, his face mostly expressionless, though there is a hint of concern in his eyes.

Then he hands me the letter.

I read through the contents of the letter quickly, once and then twice.

When I read through it the third time, I slow down, walking over to the couch and sitting down there.

Dear Azron,

I am so sorry. I wanted to stay. I have never wanted anything more than to stay with you. Falling asleep with you was bliss – in fact, that was the first time in about five years that I really fell asleep.

I usually have nightmares most nights. Or I just don’t sleep. But not with you. Not when I am sleeping with you.

I won’t explain my nightmares. I won’t really explain why I left. Things are complicated and messy and ugly in my life. And I don’t think you’ll understand.

But what I will say is, that when I told you I loved you, I meant it. I think you’re the only person I’ve ever loved.

And the thing is, I didn’t even plan this. I didn’t plan to love you. I love you so completely, with my entire being, that you have healed wounds I didn’t even know existed.

But I am not good for you. I am not the one for you. You deserve better. I have done so many ugly things that I don’t even recognize myself when I look in the mirror.

I broke, once upon a time, and I got put back together wrong.

And there are things that I still need to do. Things that will twist me even further away from the person I am now, the person you know. Things that will make everything uglier. And I really don’t have a choice. I have to do it.