Page 41 of Devour
“You do know what your real problem is, don’t you? You’re in love.”
“Am not.”
“Would you eat him?”
“Absolutely,” I answered without hesitation.
“And make it hurt?” When I didn’t answer, Gaia flashed a wide smile reminiscent of an actual mother addressing her hapless child. “That’s love.”
“It is not.”
“That’s our version,” she said. “You think a praying mantis worries about her mate before she bites his head off? Or does she simply… eat?”
“Fuck you and your logic,” I grumbled. Not in love. Absolutely not. The idea alone felt laughable. A demon and a deacon. In love. Not to mention the whole eating him bit. Couldn’t ever happen between us.
“I get it, enthusiastic ones aren’t as easy to come by as consenting ones. Ripping apart a free meal ticket can be hard.” With a much quieter voice that bordered on whispering, she added, “We aren’t built to care, Rhory. Not like they are.”
Well, fuck me and my emotional crisis, I guess. Somehow, it just got even worse.
Day three of “Tiptoe Through the Tulips.” If one didn’t know which song I meant, I’d say do an internet search then set the song on repeat, but I didn’t hate any living person enough to suggest such a task. Just keep in mind we were on day three.
Now, if Rhory and I had a normal relationship like two normal people, we wouldn’t be driving each other up a wall. Unfortunately, neither of us was normal and only one of us was human. The relationship part was shaky at best, but we were close. I cared about Rhory enough that I didn’t want him to starve, so taking an extended break from each other was not an option. As much as I cared about him, I also valued my sanity.
So, what to do when you develop an accidental mind link with a demon—wow, that almost sounded like a self-help book title. Here would be the contents…
Don’t: expect to retain any privacy or sanity.
Do: snoop regularly to uncover any hidden motives, tease him every waking moment, and use both tricks to your advantage.
At the very least, adhering to these guidelines should keep any demon very happy, or, at the very least, interested. Maybe even enough to reconsider eating you within a few more years.
Admittedly, that thought weighed heavier on my mind than usual in the following weeks. Maybe because so much time had already passed in the blink of an eye, or maybe because I feared the idea of getting… attached. I didn’t know what would hurt more: having my soul ripped from my body or forgetting that consuming me remained his intention all along. The physical pain would be bad enough. I didn’t need betrayal and heartbreak piled on top.
Oh, lovely. For a man of faith, you have very little in me.
Yeah, and I was having a much harder time keeping Rhory out now that I somehow found my way into his head. Apparently, blocking him out versus keeping him from hearing my thoughts were two distinct skill sets. Between me still trying to master tuning in and out at will, and his mental barrier being close to nonexistent when compared to mine, trying to stay out of his mind took all the energy I normally used to evict him from my headspace.
It almost felt like the more our minds blended, the harder it became to separate back into our distinct selves. Kind of terrifying, really. And a real identity crisis. Retaining individuality could be hard enough while broadcasting your most intimate thoughts. Not only did it mean anything and everything came up for debate, but another voice in your head could implant their ideas and opinions. Now stretch that barrage of constant noise over months. Being together became more difficult with each passing week, yet being apart still seemed harder.
Rhory nestled down in bed with me, resting his chin on my chest while intently watching me. Like most people, I wondered what went on in someone’s mind at certain times. And now that I could tune in and listen to Rhory… I found none of it comforting. I could tell he cared. I cared about him, too. Still didn’t think that emotion went past his base desires and now, more than ever, I was wholly aware of exactly what he wanted.
Knowing how badly he wanted to eat me made me wonder if this meant I stood no chance at all when the time came, or if him restraining himself thus far was a good omen. Sure, he might have to wait a few more years, but to him, how long did that seem when compared to his entire lifetime? Still, I couldn’t help feeling this happened for a reason, and that being forced to hear each other out—literally—would come in handy at some point.
Would you ever consider not eating me? Wasn’t sure I really wanted to hear his response, but part of me needed to ask. Needed a small dose of hurt to bring me back down to reality.
If you knew what you were asking, you wouldn’t be asking.
Heck of a response, that was. Good on him somehow managing to be vague even when I could read his mind.
You need to trust me, hubby.
That was the heart of the problem. I didn’t. I couldn’t. Not completely. How could he even suggest that to me when I knew—undoubtedly—how badly he wanted to consume my soul? How could I trust anything he said?
Or don’t. We made a deal, and you know how to get out of it. Don’t you think I could’ve kept that tidbit to myself? Rhory closed his eyes and sighed, snuggling closer.
You don’t want me to hold up my end.
Of course not, hubby.