Page 23 of There I Find Hope

I’ve been working on different recipes and trying to perfect a strawberry buttercream candy. I’d just decided I needed to cover it in chocolate when Blake...

Everything is before Blake and after Blake.

Anyway, I was excited because I actually wanted to cook. It’s the first time that I’ve really been maybe not excited, but at least looking forward to something. I just...feel hopeless. I surrendered to God, I’ve given Him everything, but I just don’t see any brightness in my future. But that doesn’t make sense. It’s not that I don’t think that God is going to give me good things. I know He will. I know He loves me.

It’s just... Maybe it’s depression. Whatever, today I just felt a little flicker of...something. I wanted to do something. I wanted to want to, which makes a difference. I haven’t wanted to do anything.

So, yeah, I walked into the kitchen, and maybe I would have gotten a few things out. I wasn’t planning on cooking, but I could have tried to mix up a batch. Whatever I make, the diner will sell or whatever. But as I walked in, I saw Blake’s shoes. I remembered that our last night together hadn’t been the best night ever. In fact, I punished him because he hadn’t put his shoes away like I told him to do three different times.

He was old enough to listen and obey.

And I know, as a parent, rationally I know I need to teach my child that if he doesn’t obey, there are consequences. I know that. It just broke my heart that the last night I spent with him was one of punishment and not of joy and happiness.

I cried on the floor for a long time.

I wouldn’t tell just anyone, but since you don’t feel like someone who’s going to see me and judge me, I thought I could tell you.

You are right about someone coming to have Mom make a brochure for the hotel. You must have good contacts. It happened just like you said.

Noah Sterner came, and he brought back some memories too. I’d known him in school, and we were quite good friends. I might have had a little crush on him, but Glenn came in and kind of swept me off my feet.

I wish I would never have allowed that now. Looking back, I was infatuated with everything he represented—adulthood, freedom, money, and fun.

Noah was more of regular life and slightly boring.

I wish I would have gone for slightly boring. My life would be a lot different, I’m sure. Noah is a businessman in Chicago. And I probably wouldn’t even live in Strawberry Sands. Which makes me sad. Also, if I hadn’t been with Glenn, I wouldn’t have had Blake. And even though the pain of the last four weeks has been almost to the point where I don’t feel like I can bear it, I wouldn’t trade those seven years I had with him.

Not for anything.

Still, one choice can have far-reaching consequences, and I suppose that’s another thing I’ve learned.

So, you know a lot about me, but I don’t know much about you. I guess if we’re going to continue to write, you should tell me some about yourself.

Sunday sat on her bed and stared at the paper. She wanted to see who he was, what he looked like. Did she dare ask him out to eat with her?

She had turned Noah down, and she regretted that. The businessman seemed nice, and she was just asking as a friend. Maybe she should be clear about that.

She leaned back against her headboard, in her bed back in the attic room at her mother’s. She’d managed to get out of the kitchen, close the door and lock it, and walk back to the bed-and-breakfast. She hadn’t gone up to her apartment. That was a trip for another day.

She thought a bit before she started to write again.

I suppose you know the diner in Strawberry Sands has a new menu? It’s really delicious. One of the features for June is onion soup bread, and you would not believe how amazing it is. I’ve had it several times, and my mom teases me that I’m going to gain back the weight I’ve lost when I couldn’t eat after Blake’s...

I suppose I’ll not only gain the weight back but add a few more pounds to it, if I keep eating like that. Still, it’s delicious.

Maybe you’d like to meet me there sometime?

Thanks for writing to me. It...has helped.

Your friend,

Lover of the lake