Page 10 of One Bossy Date
He let his head fall back and chuckled.
“Rude!” I scolded him, and he attempted to recover between uncontrollable giggles.
“It’s justhilarious. You’re this sexy, young, gorgeous woman, who could honestly have any man you wanted, yet the only dates you ever have are set up by your grandmother.”
“Ha-ha. I know.” Ididfind it funny—even though I wasn’t too happy to be the butt of the joke. But Jim was just being Jim. He could tease me relentlessly and I’d laugh along with him.
He shrugged. “It’s not like you’re trying to get out there. You hardly leave this store.”
“I’m just too busy with—”
“Blah, blah, blaaah. Work, work, work. Honestly, if you’d just get out and have some fun, you wouldn’t be this tense. You would invite more dick into your life. You would be more positive. It’s like a self-fulfilling circle.”
“Iampositive.”
“Yeah, on the surface. Because you have to be in front of clients. But honey, you don’t feel it. I can tell. I wish for you to get your pussy ate. I really do. I wish that for everyone. But for you especially. You deserve it, girl.”
Choosing to ignore his calling me out, I sucked air in through my teeth. “We’ve got off topic here. We were talking about the pointless date my gran has set up for me.”
“Brody, yeah.” He thought for a moment. “Is there no way you can refuse?”
“You know Granny Dotty. It would be like refusing seconds at dinner and her filling your plate again out of spite—with twice the amount. She’d only push harder.”
“Welp! You’re screwed then.” Jim shrugged, giving up. I was starting to lose hope, when he continued, “Unless…”
“Yes? Unless what?” I was desperate for a way out of this.
“You know how some billionaires do the whole ‘fake date’ thing?”
“Ah, no?”
“You need to read more.” A dramatic roll of his eyes indicated I was seriously behind. “They pretend to be engaged to a woman for whatever reason. In the last book I read with this hot biker billionaire dude, his family expected him to settle down.”
“And your point?”
“Girl, ask abillionaireto go with you. Why can’t it go both ways?”
“A billionaire? Jim! Where am I supposed to find a billionaire? And even if I did, he’d likely already be married. Or old. Or ugly.”
Jim shrugged with a cavalier expression on his face. “Miracles do happen. Let’s put it out into the universe. For this to work, he’d need to be rich, and irrefutably handsome. As in, tall but built, with a handsome face but still rugged, you know? A classic silver fox CEO. The type of man that always wears dark, tailored suits, long coats—where he hides a nice, girthy dick.”
“Jim!” My mouth nearly fell open at his last comment, but I sensed a joke in the back of my mind and kept it to myself. For now.
“Just telling it how it is,girl. Only that kind of man will get your gran off your back. In fact, it’ll geteverybodyoff your back. That’s the advantage of being well-endowed. Brody will scamper off with his tail between his legs. Men can sense a girthy cock in the room.”
It was my turn to smirk. “Yeah, ‘cause a man like that would besoeasy to find.”
“Put it out into the universe. Now!” He eyed me over his shoulder and sat down at the counter to page through a magazine. “And there will beallkinds of surprises coming your way innotime. Lots of nuts.”
“Right.” I shook my head, disbelieving. Just to get him to shut up, I turned my eyes to the sky—okay, more to the water-stained ceiling—and whispered theatrically, “Dear universe, please send me a motorcycling billionaire CEO to be my date at Gran’s party.”
Jim sighed theatrically. “Girl, you forgot the most important thing. What about the gir—”
Just then, the store phone rang.
I grabbed the phone before Jim could start again about how much I lacked dick energy in my life. “This is Purrfect Boutique, Zoe speaking.”
“Oh, hi! This is Caroline,” I heard a middle-aged Irish-accented voice say. “I’m sorry, I thought I’d called the coffee shop on 79th?”