Page 87 of Five Gold Rings

I laughed.

‘You have such a good name for a necklace though. It’s just three letters. You could have a name like…’

‘Marie Antoinette,’ I said randomly.

‘Yes,’ he said with eyes widened. ‘Imagine that emblazoned in cheap gold across your neck.’

‘I don’t think anyone needs to know my name,’ I told him, and I remember he looked sad as the queue moved forward.

‘Yeah, they do. You’re great. Is this just too basic for you? It’s only five pounds. Are you just all about the bling?’ he joked with me.

‘Please! How long have we worked together? Do I look bling to you? Let’s make a deal. You can get that for me for Christmas if I can get you a sign for your bedroom door.’

‘Deal.’

And he shook my hand.

Because everyone should know your name.

I read the tag again. He thinks I’m amazing? When did he buy this? During our ring quest? Before? If it was before then he thought all those things before. I look down at the necklace in my hands in shock.

‘You can say it out loud. I am the best brother that ever existed,’ Noel tells me as he manoeuvres his car off the M25 and on to the M23. Over skies, I see planes head towards Gatwick, glowing red taillights for as far as the eye can see, cars beside us crammed with people, gifts and bags, headed home after a day of Christmas festivities.

‘You are the best brother that ever existed,’ I tell him in his Christmas jumper and new vintage Stan Smiths. Noel’s radio blasts out Nat King Cole and I think about someone who refused to sing that song to me once. Noel’s car is different to the green Mini I’ve lived in for the last few days. It’s laden with trash for a start and smells like vape but I suddenly miss Joe’s flashing lights and mooning Santa on the dashboard.

‘So, is there a plan here? Brighton is a big place. Do I just head for the pier?’ Noel tells me.

Since I opened that necklace and pieced together what Joe did by protecting me from Chris’s shitty note, I’ve been in a strange state of shock that Noel just seems to be carrying me through. We need to find Joe, tonight. We need to get in your car. Drive. Stop at this shop. I need to buy something really quickly. Brighton. Head for Brighton. The horizon, just head that way. And like a brilliant twin brother, he questions none of it. He drives and seems mildly excited by the adventure. But he has also asked for petrol money and suggested that some super strong coffee may be a good idea.

‘Maybe we message him when we get there? I haven’t thought that far ahead.’

Noel nods, slightly bemused. This is usually him. It’s impromptu road trips in our youth to music festivals and days at the beach where he was always very unprepared and we ended up having to sleep in this thing. But this time, it’s me who’s unprepared. What am I going to do? Turn up at his family home in the middle of the night? Hi Joe, I’ve worked out some things. I think you like me, I like you. Let’s see if this has a chance? I’m sorry I’ve woken your whole family.This feels as if I need a speech prepared, a grand gesture. Like a brass band? Not a boat, I know that now.

‘And Joe never hinted that he possibly had a crush on you? All that time?’

I shake my head. ‘He was just a nice bloke.’

‘…Who was honourable and probably didn’t want to cross that line,’ Noel says, voicing his approval at the man’s morals.

I think now about little moments in his Mini. Comments where he offered me a hand and pulled me up, kindness, someone who was looking out for me, who made it all about me. I feel a bit blindsided by the fact I never saw any of this. That and a bit stupid. My phone rings and I answer it immediately.

‘Joe?’ I say, panicked.

‘No, it’s Mrs Caspar. Merry Christmas, my dear. Is everything alright? I have some missed calls from you.’

I catch my breath. ‘I’m so sorry, Mrs Caspar, it’s late and it’s Christmas – were you asleep? I hope you’ve had a good day?’

‘Oh no, we’re still up,’ she says in her soothing, warm tones. ‘Mr Caspar and I were just talking about you and Joe. Did all the rings get delivered?’

‘They did. I think. Joe did the last one.’

‘Oh.’ She pauses for a moment sounding supremely disappointed. ‘So you’re not together now? You’re not with Joe?’

‘Define together…’

‘Like, in the same car?’ she says, unconvincingly.

I can hear her mumbling something to Mr Caspar in the background.