Page 89 of Five Gold Rings
‘How far away are you?’
‘I reckon about half an hour, just stopping for a bit. Is everyone asleep?’
‘I wish. Can’t get the little ones to settle. Little Belle made me put a broom up the chimney in case any of Santa’s gifts got stuck.’
I chuckle under my breath. ‘Hey, do you remember that time I slept in the living room trying to catch Santa out and I slept through it all?’
I can hear Dad laughing. ‘You slept through it all because I drugged your cocoa.’
‘Say what?’
‘Antihistamine. You were out like a light. We couldn’t have you catch us in the act. Mum said I probably gave you too much. That’s why if you look at all the photos from that year, you look slightly stoned.’
We both laugh in chorus and that sound is like music to me. ‘Just get back. I need help corralling your sisters, too. Carrie had some fight with Holly over the charades and threw a wicker reindeer at her and they’re not talking now.’
‘Standard then…’
‘Wouldn’t be Christmas without it. You alright, son?’ he asks me.
‘Just wanted to hear your voice. Be good to see everyone. Do we need anything? There’s a shop here.’
‘Milk. Rugrats put most of ours out for Santa. He needed a pint, apparently, to get him through the night.’
‘Milk it is.’
‘Where have you stopped?’
‘Where else?’
‘Good lad. See you in a bit. Love you, bud.’
‘Love you, too.’
The air gets stuck in my throat as I say that, for reasons I won’t say out loud. Not now. But I think of David and Natalia back in that hospital room, thinking of moments in similar rooms with my own dad, the future unclear, and how it broke my heart and the pieces have never quite healed. It did mean I returned to my car in that very quiet hospital car park and cried. I sobbed. I don’t know what these last days have meant but all these very powerful shows of love, of people living their lives and moving forward tells me that I’m not. I’m jumping between jobs, avoiding life, not telling people I love them, thinking that is some way to be. And it was now Christmas Day and here I was, alone. I didn’t want to be alone, not at Christmas, so I wiped away those tears and I started driving. Back home. I may have a few days of airbeds and endless rounds of Connect 4 ahead of me but at least I will be surrounded by people I love. I thought long and hard about Eve, sat in my passenger seat, moments with her to bank and remember fondly, but I need to move on from her. I really do. I need to move on from all of it. I need to remember to live.
‘Can I take your order please?’ the elf behind the counter asks me, squinting a little at the emotion still etched in my face. Probably not good form to cry at a motorway services to a man dressed as an elf, is it? I want to tell him he’s lucky. I was an elf a few days ago and I had to show chest and the faint outline of my baubles.
‘Can I get a Whopper meal, please, with a Coke? Thanks, Kevin.’
Kevin the Elf looks back at me, suspiciously. ‘Do I know you?’
‘No. But your name tag says Kevin,’ I say, pointing at the badge. He looks down at his chest like this is a huge surprise.
‘Oh, yeah. Do you want onion rings, too? We’re giving them away for free because it’s Christmas.’
‘Sure.’ It’s fried, it’s free. It will surely help. ‘Also, don’t think I’m weird but do you have any crowns?’
‘You got kids?’
‘Yeah. Forgot to get them a present, didn’t I?’
He looks a little sad that this is what I may be gifting my children this Christmas, but he hands me a stack of them, and I think about a photo of all my nieces and nephews looking like fast-food royalty that will be a part of tomorrow.
‘Quiet today then?’ I say, trying to come up with some small talk as my order is prepared.
‘Yeah. Some Christmas commuters but not many people want a burger at Christmas. You headed home from a big party?’ Kevin asks me, looking at the tuxedo.
‘Sort of. What about you? Big man bring you what you want?’