Page 37 of Dark Fae's Desire
That we could both be happy if it were ever given a chance. It makes me feel vulnerable, though I am sure no one would suspect it when they look upon us together. It just hurts more than I want to admit.
He has been nothing but kind and loving with me this past week, yet the pain from the loss of everything that once was gnaws relentlessly at me. It is a struggle to keep myself together, let alone make him aware of my pain as well.
Around us, the wind is rustling the leaves. It's starting to get darker and the evening is quiet. It feels so peaceful and calm.
We have eaten mostly in silence when I look up, realizing that Carmichael isn't really looking at me anymore. His eyes are fixed somewhere else entirely; staring into space as he chews, his thoughts clearly far away.“Are you alright? You seem a bit distracted today.” I ask, my voice betraying my nerves.
He looks down at me, and his gaze softens. “It’s nothing. Let’s finish dinner first before we get into anything.”
The silence that follows is stifling. The tension between us grows until it feels like my lungs can barely breathe. I need to speak, to say something! Anything! To stop the deafening silence! My lips move to form words, but I don’t know what to tell him. What words are even capable of expressing such overwhelming feelings? There’s an ache that I feel in my chest. A deep sadness that threatens to drown me if I can’t get out of its grip. But the longer it lasts, the harder I try.
But when he brushes a stray piece of my hair from my eyes, my thoughts scatter. His gaze falls on my lips and he seems transfixed by them before leaning forward slightly, his hands moving to cradle my cheeks. We both stop breathing when our lips connect. It feels like I am floating and nothing else matters except how soft his lips are. His mouth tastes sweet, but also slightly bitter. There is something else as well, something that I can’t put my finger on until my body reacts before I have time to process my emotions. My tongue traces over his bottom lip as my hands cup his neck, pulling him close, as if I could disappear in him. The world goes silent except for the sound of our lips meeting one another.
As we kiss, the world disappears, leaving only us, until I can feel my heartbeat slowing down.
Finally, I pull back slowly, my breathing erratic as we stare at each other. His eyes are captivating and I wish I could stay in this moment forever.
A smile spreads across his face when he realizes I wasn’t going to pull away and that I am looking deep into his eyes. As always.
At this moment, we don’t need anything.
We don’t even need to talk. This is a connection, an understanding that is just ours. It has always been there; it just needed to be acknowledged.
We both lean in again, this time more gently. He wraps both arms securely around me and pulls me against his chest.
His breath fans my face when we break apart, but neither of us moves. His grip is reassuring as he kisses my forehead and rests his head against mine. His lips brush mine again, and I know there is something on his mind. Something that he needs to say. Maybe I could help. Or maybe I don’t want to hear it. But I’m desperate to hear it anyway. If not from him then maybe from someone else.
When he speaks, I feel the way his breath hitches, and I wonder who it was, if anyone, that had such a hold over him that he couldn’t tell me. What is it that is occupying his thoughts?
“Diane...”
And finally, my name comes from his lips. Like a secret passed between friends for years. A secret kept so close that you would think no one else knew about it.
That it wouldn’t ever leave this place. Because it wasn’t meant for others’ ears, right?
So I give him my full attention. And I wait.
“Diane, I have had something that has been weighing on my mind. For some time. I didn’t think it was important or that I would ever be able to bring myself to talk about it because I wanted to save it for you...”
I nod for him to continue. It's better to have an open mind and trust than to have your hope dashed. After all, I am in love with him. Nothing and no one else could make my heart beat faster than Carmichael.
He closes his eyes and takes a few deep breaths as if gathering the strength to continue. When his eyes return to mine, they sparkle with unshed tears. My heart sinks to my stomach, unsure of what to think.
His emotions are playing with me like a symphony in which I can't escape. The silence becomes too uncomfortable so I try again to speak but he shakes his head. I'm confused and even more afraid because he never refuses a request from me.
After another moment, he continues. “It's just that there is something that I have wanted to talk to you about but I don't know where to begin."
My heart pounds harder against my ribcage and my breathing quickens. Whatever it is, it must be important to cause Carmichael to look this apprehensive. I want to ask but somehow that makes me more scared than not knowing what the matter might be. He looks up at me and sighs.
"This isn't easy for me to say so please bear with me," he says before he opens his mouth again.
Carmichael begins speaking, trying hard to hold back the emotion welling up inside him. Even though he has already started talking, he pauses and gathers his courage once he sees how nervous I am.
He reaches forward and grabs both of my hands in his then gently runs the pads of his fingers across my palms soothingly. A smile appears on his face as he continues.
21
CARMICHAEL