Page 133 of The Rules of Dating My One-Night Stand

In hindsight, was it him who didn’t want to commit, or…had I been the one afraid of a relationship?

If I didn’t let myself get attached, it wouldn’t hurt so much when he walked away…

Oh, God.

Was I already Vera? Had I been the one failing to commit all along, even though I’d blamed it on him?

The only other man I’d been in an adult relationship with was Owen. But there were so many good reasons I hadn’t committed to him, right?

We haven’t known each other that long.

I might be carrying another man’s baby.

He lives in New York, and I live in California.

I’m taking care of two teenagers.

My life is chaotic.

Though…he’d told me he loved me. None of those barriers seemed to stop him from committing.

Oh, God.

I am Vera!

I had a bag full of excuses, ready to pull one out at all times—reasons things could never work. Why didn’t I ever justtry? Forget all the obstacles and see what happened—give love a chance. Because I was afraid I’d come to depend on someone and then they’d leave, just like my mother did.

I walked and walked, lost in my head for the better part of an hour. When I finally stopped and looked around, I realized I was in Gramercy Park, the neighborhood Owen had taken me to the other day to look at that brownstone. After a few more blocks, I found myself standing in front of it.

Could I picture myself living here? Pushing a stroller in that beautiful tree-lined park at the corner? Picking herbs from the little garden out back, cooking in the kitchen when my sister and brother came over after school? Or maybe they would live with us.

I closed my eyes and visualized it.

Playing Christmas music while we put up a tree in the big front bay window.

Our baby sleeping in her crib while Owen and I drank a glass of wine on the couch. His arm wrapped around my shoulder, my head snuggled into his chest while we talked about our days.

Window boxes filled with petunias in the spring and mums in the fall.

A picture of our toddler stuck to the stainless-steel refrigerator with a magnet from South Carolina—one of the places we stopped on our road trip last summer. I melt looking at it. Our little girl is all smiles, sitting atop Owen’s shoulders as we walk along the beach.

Me falling asleep in Owen’s arms every night.

I wanted it.I really, reallywanted it.

And it was so close for the taking, dangling right in front of my nose.

Yet…

I was terrified to reach out and grab it.

When I finally opened my eyes, I found an older woman standing in front of the brownstone on the top step. From her curious face, it seemed she might’ve been there watching me for a while.

“Sorry.” I blinked myself back to reality and shook my head. “I, uh, was just admiring your beautiful house.”

The woman smiled and pointed to the real estate sign hanging from a post. “It’s for sale, you know.”

“I came to see it the other day. It’s lovely.”