Page 47 of Gunner
He just smiles at me.
"The baby's got a good, strong heartbeat."
I sigh in relief as Flame and Slicer stand. I do a double take seeing Slicer, though, making him grin.
"Good to see you, sweetheart."
I smile as he kisses my head, Flame following suit while Gunner growls at them, making them chuckle as they leave, and I shake my head and look at him again. He sits forward, holding my hand with both of his as he kisses my fingers. "Your placenta has detached a little, but you're okay, and so is our baby; you'll just have to be on bed rest for a while."
My eyes widen, and he chuckles.
"Don't worry, Angel. Doc said you can come to work if need be during the day to help with the books or whatever to keep your mind occupied, as long as you're sitting down." I huff, making him smile before he squeezes my hands. "You know, you still haven't told me what we're having."
I look at him with a furrowed brow.
"I haven't?" Surely I have, right? He shakes his head, and my eyes widen—shit.
I clear my throat and focus on his hands. "We're having a boy."
He sucks in a breath, and I look at him. His eyes have turned glassy, but he's smiling wide before he bends forward, kissing my bump and then my lips, and I don't protest because, god, I miss having him near me.
He shakes his head. "I've missed your voice, baby."
I tilt my head at him.
Guess it's time to take Stars' advice,
"I've been struggling," he nods, letting me speak. "Everything coming out about 'him' then losing momma Anderson has sent me in a bit of a spin. Sophie told Clitter that she resents me because I saw her mother last, so I distanced myself from her. The women all look down on me, accusing me of things I haven't even done, and the brothers either ignore me or look at me like I'm a liar when I wasn’t even the one who told everyone what had happened to me; I stayed quiet." I keep eye contact with him, making sure he sees the pain. "And the man I was falling head over heels in love with, who became my friend, my heart, pushed me away, throwing women in my face every day knowing the feelings I had for him until suddenly I'm pregnant and he wants to know, he wants to fight for me," he goes to say, but I just shake my head at him. "You may not see it that way, Gunner, but that's how it seems to me. For five years, I had to endure brothers being nice to me to my face and then bitching about me behind my back while the women openly tried to put me down all because of 'him.' For the past five years, YOU have treated me like crap, hurt me, and broken me.
How am I supposed to forgive and forget something like that? how am I supposed to move on?"
He sighs. "You can't, and that's why you turned silent."
I nod. "I found it difficult to put my feelings into words because of my hormones. Before, it was easy to just let things lie, ignore the hurt, and try to get on with my life, but then I fell pregnant, which shouldn't really have been possible, and suddenly I couldn't control my emotions. If you didn't notice, they are absolutely crazy. I mean, I cried over a dropped muffin for Christ's sake," he chuckles while squeezing my hand harder. "I want to try and forgive; I want to see if we could have what we should have had five years ago, but how can I trust you? How can I trust your brothers and your family after five years of pain?"
He nods before kissing my fingers, "By giving them a chance to make it up to you and by letting me at least try because, Angel, I've tried for five years not to touch you, not to hold you all out of respect for someone I didn't know was a traitor, but I'm done now. I know I fucked up; I know I should have just confronted you about his lies, and I'll regret that for the rest of my life, but I can't let you go, not now that I finally have you within reach, not when I'm finally getting everything I've wanted since first meeting you, locking eyes with your beautiful green ones that made my heart jump. I can't let you go, Leah; it's just not in me anymore."
My eyes gloss over as some tears fall and he becomes blurry.
"I don't know if it's worth it-it.”
I let out a sob, and he quickly climbed on the bed, holding me in his arms tightly before kissing my head.
"It is worth it, baby, because we're worth it. You and I are meant to be, and I'm going to prove it to you because I love you so fucking much. I can't be away from you anymore, Leah. I'm going to show you how much I love you, and we're going to have a life together. You'll be my old lady; we'll get married, thenwe'll fill the house full of kids because we're for keeps, baby, I promise."
I let out another sob, finally letting go of the pain of everything, letting it all out like Star suggested to me last week, showing him the pain he caused me while he held me tighter, whispering over and over how much he loves me.
I cry myself to sleep but don't know how long until I wake up to whispering voices. I open my eyes to see Ink sitting near the bed with a smile on his face while Melanie checks my IV.
She grins at seeing me awake.
"Well, it's about time you woke back up."
I smile at her before looking up to see Gunner in the same spot he was in when I fell asleep, my body half on his, my head on his chest while his hand plays with my hair, and I give him a small smile, making him give me the look, you know, the 'this is happening look,' before kissing my head.
He won't give up, but the question is, can I forgive and forget?
Can I have a relationship with him without taking my anger out on him every time he pisses me off, bringing up his past deeds? I mean, that is the question of the day, isn't it?