Page 64 of Grumpy Player
“Don’t be sorry. I’m happy I could be there for Syd. I was the only one she spoke to all day and being special enough for her to engage me that way felt really good. I felt very protective over her. I’ve never felt that way before and I don’t know. I’m just drained.”
He gives me another hug and, damn, he gives good hugs. I could get used to being this close to him. He smells so good and he’s caring, loving.
“Why don’t you go have that bath and relax, and I will make us dinner,” Connor offers.
“You really don’t have to. I can do it,” I reply.
“Ellie, you’re taking the next couple of days off and relaxing, I insist.”
There he goes, insisting again.
“Thanks,” I say, feeling completely drained of energy.
Connor goes to the kitchen and I go to check on Syd. “You okay, pretty girl?” I ask.
She’s watching cartoons on her TV and nods.
“I know I said we could do our nails today after we saw your mom, but I have a headache and I am feeling really tired. Can I have a rain check?” I ask.
“I don’t know what that is. Do you want me to see if it’s raining?” she asks.
Her comment causes a bubble of laughter to escape me because she is adorable. Even in this dark moment, Syd brings light. “No, sweetie. I just meant is it okay if we go another day when I am not so tired?”
“Yes,” she replies with a nod.
“Good, because I want us to have matching nails,” I say. “And you can pick the color.”
“Really?” Syd asks.
“Really.”
CHAPTERTWENTY
Connor
“Hi, Sweet Pea,” I say to Syd to get her attention away from the television. “Can you turn off the TV so we can talk?”
“I like my show,” she complains.
“Just for a few minutes. Then you can keep watching or you can help me make dinner tonight?” I say, giving her options.
“You can cook. Does that mean you feel better?” she asks.
“I’m feeling a lot better. I saw the doctor today and he told me I’m doing good,” I say to Syd, and I wrap an arm around her. She cuddles into my side and that fierce need to protect her overwhelms me. “How was your day with Mommy?”
“Not good,” she says.
“I’m sorry,” I reply.
“Was there something you didn’t like?” I ask.
“I don’t like to be with Mommy. I know I am supposed to love my mommy because that is what it says in books, and in school mommies come to pick up their kids from school and my friends love their mommy, but I don’t love my mommy. I don’t know my mommy,” she says, and it makes my heart hurt.
“You haven’t been around Mommy very much. Mommy loves you in her own way, but sometimes she can be. . .” I’m at a loss for words.
“Why does Mommy want me now? I don’t want her. I don’t like being with her,” Syd insists.
“I think Mommy misses you and she wants to spend time with you, but sometimes she has a hard time explaining her feelings. That is why it’s good to talk about feelings because it helps us understand ourselves even better,” I explain, but by the look on my daughter’s face I can tell I lost her. I don’t know how to explain to my daughter that her mom’s behavior has nothing to do with her and everything to do with the fact she is a spoiled brat.