Page 46 of Fight or Flight
Then, a few emotions run through her face. The initial look of shock transforms into a look of longing that slowly turns into a deep sadness, only to end up with anger mixed with resentment.
She lifts her chin as if to dare me to say anything before she marches into the house without a word.
I unglue my eyes from the door and remember that we have company. I’m scared to look at others, but breathe out in relief when I see that Brody and Frank are laughing at something the little boy said.
But then I feel burning on the side of my face, and I snap my gaze at the other woman and gulp at the way she eyes me.
The hand that I was still holding on my chest falls limply to my side before I turn, almost falling into a puzzled-looking Tommy on my way to get back in the truck.
Before I can close the door to hyperventilate in peace, Tommy gets in after me, forcing me to scoot over.
“What happened? Are you sick? You look like you’re going to throw up, man. And the boss will snap you in half if you do that here.”
“That was Claire,” I wheeze and bang my head on the headrest.
“Claire?” Tommy questions in confusion and then whips his head toward the house before looking at me with wide eyes. “As in the Claire? Your Claire?” He almost yells, and I have to fight the desire to punch him in the face so he’ll keep it down.
“Oh, yeah, I guess she did look familiar,” he muses.
Sometimes, Tommy and I hang around at my place, and the first time he came, he got interested in my drawings and who’s the mysterious girl that features most of them. Since I was already four beers in, I broke and told him the whole story. Crying and raging like a bitch. We haven’t talked about it since, but I guess he didn’t forget my meltdown over the woman who seemed to be living in my boss’s house.
“Man, you’re fucked,” Tommy says after a minute of silence.
“Yeah,” I sigh. After the look I received from Claire’s friend, there’s no doubt in my mind that my days working for Brody are numbered.
We both sit straighter in our seats when the front doors open, Brody and Frank getting in with smiles on their faces.
“Okay, let’s get back to work,” Brody says, glancing at us through the rearview mirror before he backs out of the driveway.
I throw Tommy a look, and he nods with a silent promise not to tell anything.
I relax slightly and glance at the passing landscape, not really seeing anything other than the look on Claire’s face when she saw me.
And then I go back to the details of her appearance. She looked much skinnier than should be considered healthy, her skin almost translucent under the sunlight. Even when she smiled at the boy, her smile never reached her eyes. Claire will always be the most beautiful girl for me, but today she looked... I don’t know, like she was withering away or something.
My stupid worry over the job and my parole goes out the window as a new set of nerves settles in my sternum.
“... watching her like a hawk all the time, worried that she’ll relapse...”
Was he talking about Claire? Relapse of what? Is she ill?
If I’m not fired by tomorrow, I’ll give it a chance of getting closer and maybe finding out what is going on. I need to know if my girl is okay. And yes, in my mind, she will always belong to me. Now, after seeing her in the flesh, as opposed to just my dreams, I can say with confidence that my love for her is still very much alive, the same way it was all those years ago.
And with that, a new feeling of determination enters my brain, and I know I don’t care about anything else in my life other than her well-being and making sure she’s happy.
Even if Brody fires my ass, I will still be there to make things right and cater to her every need.
Yes, I fucked up. And some could say that should be the end of the story. But I paid the price. I did my time, and now my head is straight. There are no more secrets weighing me down. There’s nothing left to hide.
I just pray that it will be enough. That not all is lost. That somehow I can still fix this.