Page 49 of Fight or Flight
I rub my neck and tilt my head to Tommy once again. He’s way better at talking about feelings than me. But to my dismay, he just makes a circular motion with his palm, mouths “talk”, and backs out of the room. Some friend he is.
Jenny sniffles loudly, so I sit on the opposite side of the bed, with my back turned slightly toward her. If I’m to talk about this shit, I can’t have anyone looking at me.
“You know, I’ve seen a lot of fucked up shit as a kid from the time I was too young to even understand how fucked up they were. My mom...” I cringe and breathe a sigh. “Her world revolved around the men she was seeing. Her whole personality could change on a whim based on the fucker she was dating at the time. He was a family man? Boom, look, here’s my son. Look how adorable he is, and praise me for being such a good mother. A new guy is a party animal? Boom, let’s invite all our friends and snort coke out of each other’s butt cracks. Oh, this one doesn’t like kids? Let’s drop him off at my sister’s house until the loser I’m currently fucking is done with me.”
Jenny doesn’t say anything, and I don’t dare look at her, but somehow, I know I have her full attention.
“My point in saying this, I guess, is that she never even stopped to think how it makes me feel. I was just an afterthought. Still am. Yet, all I ever wanted from her was to acknowledge me and my needs. See me as a person and show that she worries about her son. I would honestly forgive that she subjected me to all that. I would forgive all her mistakes because she’s my mom, you know? But she just doesn’t care even until this day.” I frown at my clasped hands and recall the last time my mother came to visit me in prison. “So when you say that you’re a terrible parent... It’s just ridiculous, really. Because I know what a bad mother looks like. I may not know you, but I can sense you genuinely care. You want to protect your kid. You want him to be happy. You obviously spend time with him and cater to his needs. That doesn’t sound like a bad mother at all, does it? And that you’re even questioning yourself on this confirms it because I can assure you those thoughts won’t ever cross my mom’s mind.”
I chance a glance at Jenny, feeling stupid as shit for exposing myself like this, but I am glad to see there are no more ongoing tears on her face. Guess that was the goal, even if I just made an ass of myself. Lord knows that I’m not suited to guide anyone on anything. But then she surprises me by squeezing my forearm.
“Thank you for saying that. I guess it’s good to see things from a perspective sometimes,” she says with a small smile and retreats her hand to wipe at her face. “You’re actually... There's more to you than I originally thought. Not just a brainless thug.”
“Thanks?” I laugh awkwardly and stand up, ready to flee.
“The thing with Claire,” she says, stopping me in my tracks. “How bad was it?”
I rub at my heart as I always do when thinking about it and look to the side. “Pretty bad,” I admit.
She hums in her throat. “Did you love her?”
My heart stops for a second before it resumes its beating in high speed.
“Uh, I... Yeah,” I choke out, feeling so uncomfortable. Suddenly, I feel like there’s no oxygen in the room.
Again, all I get is a hum before Jenny stands up. “She sure must’ve loved you.”
My eyes snap to her, and I feel almost dizzy. “How do you know that? Did she say anything to you? Is she-?”
“Hey!” Jenny laughs at my nervous reaction, and then her expression sobers. “I just know my best friend—all of her. The pained look in your eyes whenever the subject arrives is something that you both have in common. And I know only one feeling in this world that causes this type of hurt.”
“Why... ?” I croak and then clear my dry throat. “ Why are you telling me this?”
She gives me a piercing look, one that creeps me the fuck out, the same unblinking one she gave me in front of her house a few days ago.
“The why is not the real question here, Aidan. The question is, what are you going to do about it?”
“Um, I don’t know,” I reply, utterly confused. “I was hoping to maybe talk to her. Explain my side of the story, and... Honestly, I just want to apologize for everything. I never got a chance to do that.”
Jenny looks pleased by my answer, and I have no fucking idea what’s in this girl’s head right now.
“All right. I can help out. But if you fuck it up or hurt her...” She points a finger at me, and I have to physically keep myself in check not to flinch away in fear.
“You’ll tell Brody, and he’ll beat me to a pulp,” I reply with a small smile that stretches into a grin when she laughs with a shake of her head.
“Nah, dude. He would have to find your body for that first, and it would be long gone by that time,” she says with a smile of her own, but her is meaner, with a cold glint in her eye. Jeez.
I blink at her two times and then smirk. “Okay, I hope it won’t come to that then.”
“Great,” she claps her hands. “Then I’ll be happy to invite you to our little party we’re holding Saturday. It’s supposed to be a baby shower, but since I absolutely hate that kind of mushy, fluffy, pink bullshit stuff, it’s going to be a barbecue in our backyard.” Then she throws over her shoulder. “You’re invited too, Tommy.”
He steps from around the corner with a sheepish smile. His face reddens when I throw him a stink eye. I thought he went downstairs to watch over the kid or something, but the fucking gossip stayed here this whole time.
“Thanks, Jenny,” he mutters, stepping from foot to foot.
I concentrate back on the woman and address the two biggest issues with her invite. “Thanks, but I don’t think your man is going to be happy with us being there. And I don’t think Claire will appreciate my presence as well.”
“Let me worry about the Hulk,” she waves her hand in dismiss and then hesitates. “With Claire... Well, I don’t think that keeping her in the safe bubble constantly is working anymore. If she doesn't face her demons, she won’t ever recover and get back on her feet. I speak from experience.”