Page 52 of Fight or Flight

She gives me a slow nod. “Yup. We chatted for a bit.”

I flatten my lips to keep myself from assaulting Jenny with the onslaught of questions that would normally escape. My curious nature is constantly trying to break through, and my therapist said that being too talkative can be a sign of my mania peeking through, so I try to keep that in check lately.

What did you talk about? Did he mention me? Is he alright? Did he tell you about what he did? Is he going to be around for longer?

The way my lips tremble probably gives me away, so I decided to let just one of them to slip out and then immediately want to take it back. “Did he mention me?”

I put both of my palms on my mouth to keep it shut and blink rapidly.

Jenny smiles with satisfaction as I played straight into her hands. “He did, actually.”

What did he say? What did you tell him? Did he... Oh, shut up brain!

“You know, I actually thought Brody was fucking nuts for helping him with getting him out on parole and giving him a job. But I can see why he did it now.”

Brody helped him with parole? Why did he do it? Do you think Aidan is a good person, then? How were you able to forgive him?

My nostrils flare, but I still don’t engage in the conversation.

“The guy seems like a good person. Maybe like all of us, he was just put in a shitty situation that he couldn’t get out of, you know?” Jenny takes one last bite of her food and then adds like an afterthought. “I like him.”

“I thought so too at one point, and now we’re here,” I say in a harsher tone than I intended.

“Yeah, you are, and I think it’s about time you both deal with what happened back then,” my friend says nonchalantly, unbothered by my tone.

“What’s the point?” I throw impatiently.

“The point is that you are both miserable and both being held down by your past. Talk with him. Cry, yell, hit him, whatever it is that you need to do. Let him tell you his side of the story and judge it from an adult point of view. Not starry-eyed teenage Claire. You may find that some things weren’t as bad as they seemed back then.”

“I don’t know,” I look down and fidget with my hands. “I thought he was the love of my life, you know? You remember how easy it was for me to become obsessed with people as soon as they’ve given me the right amount of attention. And he used that against me.”

“Look, that’s not my place to say if the love between you was real or not. I don’t know the full story. So, only you can attest to that. I’m not saying that you have to take him back. I’m just saying that you need to resolve it, or it’s going to be a wound that never heals. It will fester and bring you down whenever you have a bad day or whenever someone else comes into your life.”

“I’m... I’ll think about it.” I relent, but the thought of even being in the same room as Aidan fills me with fear. Not because of him, really. But because of me. I don’t trust myself not to run into his arms just to get even a tiny snippet of how he made me feel back when I was seventeen.

“Okay. That’s all I’m asking for now. To give you both a chance to move on,” Jenny gets up and goes to the sink to wash her plate.