Page 34 of Room 1003
“Are you okay, Papa? You look like you’re gonna barf.” Kit’s eyes went wide, then he held his paper menu up like a shield. “Not on me, okay?”
“I’m not gonna barf,” Shane said with a shaky laugh. “I’m just nervous, that’s all.”
“I get nervous sometimes,” Kit said, patting his dad’s hand in an exaggerated way. “Like, when it was my turn for show and tell, and I had to stand up in front of the whoooole class. Do you know what helped me?”
“What?” Shane asked, propping his elbow on the table and covering his mouth to smother his smile.
“I pictured them all holding a kitten, and then it was easy. So picture me holding a kitten,” he said, cupping his hands in front of him. “Is that better?”
“You’re right, buddy. That’s a huge help,” Shane said. “I’m not nervous anymore, thank you.” While that part was a big fat lie, he cleared his throat again and got on with it anyway, nerves be damned. “So, I’m just going to spit it out. Ben and I are having a baby.”
There was a single beat of silence, where all I could hear was the accordion music being pumped in from the speakers overhead and some clattering of dishes in the kitchen. Then Kit let out a massive whoop, throwing his arms in the air and bouncing in his seat. For a second, I could almost see the imaginary kitten he’d had in his palms being launched up into the air.
Shane jolted in shock at the sudden noise, then jumped into action, shushing Kit and waving an apology to the tables around us where people had turned to see what the commotion was.
“Sorry, Papa, I’m just excited. Does that mean Ben is my new daddy?” Kit’s golden eyes were lit up, and he was so excited he couldn’t possibly sit still through the meal.
“Oh.” Shane’s shoulders relaxed in relief at how easy this was, and he looked to me for confirmation.
I nodded, smiling. “Yeah, bud, that’s exactly what that means,” I told Kit.
“Finally!” he said, rolling his eyes in exasperation. “I thought you guys would never figure it out.” Apparently, he’d already told his friends at school all about me, so I guessed Shane and I hadn’t been quite as discreet as we thought we were.
Kit had more questions—because of course he did. “Is the baby a brother or a sister? How stinky are diapers? I don’t have to share my room, do I? Is Ben going to live with us? What about Dmitri, is he my cat now? Do I have to share Dmitri with the baby?”
While we ate pizza and drank milkshakes, we worked through every one of Kit’s questions, even the ones we hadn’t considered yet. The hardest one was, “Can I name the baby?”
Shane and I had talked a little bit about baby names, but we hadn’t decided on anything yet. Letting a six-year-old pick their name, though, was dangerous territory. “Um…” Shane stalled, peeking at me, but all I did was shrug. This was his call. He knew Kit best, so the real question was what kind of kid was he? The type to choose the name of his best friend at school… or was he more likely to name the baby after his favorite Beetlebop? I wasn’t sure which name to hope for, Bart, Beebee, or Blaze.
I knew Shane wanted to ensure Kit felt included, but was this a step too far? “Uh, how about we wait until the baby is born,” Shane suggested, buying us some time. “How are we supposed to give them a name when we haven’t even met them yet. Right?”
Kit nodded sagely, agreeing. “Yeah, like what if they look like a Storm or Eagle. Or Noodle or Pizza. Ooh! Sushi!”
Shane leaned close to me to murmur, “Better make sure Kit’s not hungry when he’s naming the baby.”
I laughed and then allowed myself to do something I hadn’t been able to do yet. With Kit watching on, I wrapped an arm around Shane and pulled him closer. We’d been so careful to keep our distance in front of Kit, but when I looked over at the boy—myson—to see what his reaction was, he was all smiles. It seemed we had his approval.
My heart was full to bursting. I was one lucky man, and I would do everything I could to repay the universe for this gift.
21
Shane
“Sonofa—“Icut off the curse sitting on my tongue with a growl. This godsdamned jacket was too fucking small. Or more likely, my belly was just too big for anything but a toga. Or maybe a circus tent.
“Need some help?” Ben asked, his voice the gentle, soothing tone he’d taken to using around me now that I was in the later stages of my pregnancy. He lightly rested his hands on my shoulders. The way he was acting, you’d almost think I was a ticking time bomb—well, maybe I kind of was. I’d broken down in tears this morning when there wasn’t enough cereal left for a full bowl. I was a tad sensitive these days.
“There’s nothing you can do to help. I’m just fat,” I snapped at him a little waspishly before I could stop myself. I pinched my lips shut and huffed, closing my eyes and breathing through the flood of emotions. When I opened my eyes again, I met Ben’s patient gaze in the mirror. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean that. You’re too good to me. I don’t deserve you,” I told him honestly, my eyes getting teary as I shifted from anger to guilt.
He shushed me, wrapping an arm around me from behind and pulling me back against his chest, the heat of him soaking into my body through the jacket I’d been trying to squeeze on for the past ten minutes. “Of course you deserve me, Shane. You’re the only man for me. It’s okay, you’re just under a lot of pressure. It’s not every day you have an art show at a gallery. Anyone would feel the stress, and you’re growing a human being on top of it. It’s a lot.”
I tipped my head back onto his shoulder and let him comfort me. Ben guided me through a breathing exercise, rocking us gently side to side, and the pounding in my head slowed its incessant pulsing, then finally stopped. I didn’t remember the mood swings being this bad when I was pregnant with Kit.
“Good,” he whispered. “Now why don’t you tell me what’s wrong.”
“The jacket. It’s too small,” I said, tugging the sides to prove that they wouldn’t meet in the middle over my distended stomach. I narrowed my eyes at his reflection, daring him to tell me the jacket wasn’t the problem.
Instead of taking the bait, though, he said, “Want me to fix it for you?”