Page 49 of Breaking Bristol

“Fuck yeah, I was. I still am.”

I sat up and lifted a shoulder. “I should have talked to you last night instead of shutting you out. I’m sorry.”

“You think that’s what I’m pissed about?”

“Well, yeah.” I sighed. “I—I was just in my own head and needed some space. When I saw Paris hurt and crying in the bathroom, and then what happened later in the parking lot… it just brought up some things from my past that I wasn’t expecting.”

His normally perfect posture was hunched. “You going up to bed without me has nothing to do with why I’m upset.”

“What is it then?”

“For letting that happen last night. For you seeing that at all. For me not being able to check my temper in front of you and making you so scared you couldn’t even look at me when that’s not even the worst thing I’ve done.”

I pulled my head back. “What are you talking about?”

“I… shit, Bristol.” He pulled off his hat long enough to run his fingers through his hair. “There’s something I need to tell you. I should have admitted it right away, but—”

“I know, Matthew.”

His chin met his chest and the hands that were now at his sides clenched into tight fists. When his eyes met mine, a darkness to them took my breath away. “You know?” he growled.

“Yes.” I swallowed. “About what happened to the man your wife was sleeping with… Cheyenne’s ex-husband.”

“For how long?”

“When you told me your name was Matthew, I figured it out.”

“So the whole time,” he gritted out.

I bit the inside of my cheek. “Not the whole time.”

“What the fuck, Bristol?” he snapped. “Why wouldn’t you say something?”

His tone made me wrap my arms around my bended knees, and I attempted to justify my reasoning. “Because I was waiting for you to be ready to tell me. I didn’t want to push you…” Like he hadn’t pushed me to tell him about my past.

“Jesus Christ.” The muscles in his cheek jumped, and he stalked off the porch and to his truck. Then he stopped and came back. “Do you have any idea how much I wanted to tell you? I lost sleep, couldn’t concentrate. The mere thought of you not wanting to be with me anymore because of it fucking terrified me. And look at you now, all curled up afraid of me when you’re supposed to know I would never, under any circumstance, not ever, lay a hand on you.”

I planted my feet and stopped the chair from rocking. “You thought I wouldn’t want to be with you because of a… tragic accident?”

“Yeah,” he huffed. “I thought you wouldn’t want to be with a man with that kind of history, given what little history you’ve given me about you.”

“That’s not fair.”

“You fainted when Beau was about to come at me. Last night, you were shaking so hard your teeth were chattering.” He sucked in air through his nose. “Someone hurt you, that’s all I know. I have a guess as to who, and I’m probably right. So yeah, if you found out that the man you’re dating, who as far as I can tell is the first man you’ve been with after you’d been broken, killed another man with his bare fists, I thought it would scare you.”

My mouth opened and closed three times before I could speak. “Well, clearly it doesn’t bother me because I have known. If anything, understanding how it impacted you and hearing about all you did for Cheyenne and Lucy… it makes me care about you even more because I know the kind of man you are.”

“The kind of man who loses his shit like I did last night. That’s the kind of man you want to be with?”

I had to take my girlfriend hat off and put on my professional one. “You didn’t lose your shit, Matthew. What happened last night wasn’t your fault.”

“Yeah, I did, and it was my fault, all because Rowdy looked at you with his sleazy eyes, and then that motherfucker in the parking lot saw you and…” He gritted through clenched teeth. “He had no problem putting his hands on Paris and the thought of that being you. Sweetheart, I didn’t want to stop.”

“Matthew…” I got up, and he backed away. “Please. Let’s go inside so we can talk.”

He shook his head, and the look of pain etched on his features made me want to cry for what he was feeling. “You were afraid of me. You should never fear me. I can’t do this… I can’t be what you need.”

“Pretty sure I know what I need, and that’s you.”