Page 85 of Taking Chances
Kenz sighed, took the washcloth, and used it to wipe the words away. Colored water streamed down the wall in its place. “I know who and what you are, Tor. I know people think I’m naïve, but I’m really not. I know when you leave, someone will die. When I’m waiting for you to come back, I know that seeing you means there is at least one less person out there.”
Her saying such things had me holding my breath, hating that she even had to know that. It didn’t seem fair, like I tainted her just by being here, by being near her.
Except, she didn’t stop speaking. Instead, she wrapped her arm around me, holding me tight. “But I also knowyou.I know that you only take contracts with people who the world is better off without. I know that because of what you do, the world is a better place. There are dirty jobs that have to be done, things that are messy and unpleasant and Iseethe toll it takes on you. So I’m not going to walk away because of this. I know you—I know your heart and the man you are and just how much you value life. You cherish it enough to risk yourself and make the hard choice to take it sometimes.” Her soft lips touched my shoulder in an affectionate kiss, as though to try to pair her words with actions to prove their truth.
And something I would never ever thought possible happened. That weight I’d carried, the fear, it dissipated. Perhaps not all at once, and I had a feeling it would rise again from time to time, but the hold it had before was broken because of Kenz’s words.
She didn’t just look the other way when it came to my job. She didn’t accept me in spite of them but ratherbecauseof them. She saw me as someone good, someone who added to the world rather than taking away from it. It eased that fear of mine that she would grow unable to ignore the lives I took one day.
In accepting me entirely, Kenz had given me a precious gift. She didn’t pull me into the light—I didn’t belong there, could never live there—but neither did I pull her into my darkness. Instead, she stood on the edge between the two worlds and reached out to me, the only person who could touch me there.
It made me beyond grateful, humbled and amazed that a person like Kenz could exist and, more so, that she could fall for me as she had.
So I twisted, unwilling to just accept her affection, wanting to make sure she understood just how much I cherished her. I leaned against her, rewarded by the shy expression she wore, the way her cheeks pinkened from both embarrassment and the heat.
I cupped her cheeks, staring into her dark eyes, wishing I had the voice and words to tell her exactly how much she meant to me. When I knew anything I could say would be inadequate, I did the only thing I could.
“I love you, Kenz,” I whispered to her before leaning in and taking her lips in a kiss meant to prove just how much this woman meant to me.
* * * *
Vance
The cute girl in front of me would have beenexactlymy time not so long ago. She batted her fake eyelashes and set her hand on my arm as she leaned closer, smiling in the way that promised me whatever I wanted.
And the old me would have taken her up on it no problem. In fact, I’d have found her attempt adorable and been on my phone renting a room before she had to give it any more effort.
However, things were different, now, so I took a step backward, hedging the line between making my rejection clear but not humiliating her.
I have a reputation, after all.It wasn’t fair to embarrass her much for thinking I’d jump into bed with her. I’d been that person for a long time, after all.
“Work on getting outside of your comfort zone,” I told her, keeping my voice gentle. “You usually do landscapes, so try some portraits. You’d be amazed at what you discover if you try subjects you normally ignore.”
Her smile fell, and I got the sense she rarely experienced rejection. Not much of a surprise there, given just how pretty she was.
“Okay, Professor Moore,” she said, then moved away and gathered her things. She wasn’t a bad kid, just a girl used to getting her way when it came to men. She had the talent to succeed in art, but I wondered if she had the drive, the desire to do the work that it would take.
However, only she could decide that.
“Isn’t this a surprise?” The voice had me turning from the podium where I had my things back toward the main area of the classroom, unsure I’d heard them right.
Sure enough, when I turned, the sight of my mother took me by complete surprise. It felt like seeing a doctor at a bar, where I struggled to make sense of her in this context.
She walked toward the front of the now empty class, her low heels loud against the wood floor. She had a dress on, one that made her look every bit the aristocrat she was. Enough fillers and plastic surgery could make any person look good well into their senior years, and my mother proved that point and then some.
I leaned my hip against the table at the front of the room then crossed my arms. “I think you’re a little old to start school, don’t you?”
Her smile was half-hearted, as though to say she heard me but didn’t find me as funny as I did. That seemed pretty on par for our relationship, though.
I was forever being myself and they were forever wishing I’d be anyone else.
“How did you even know I was here?” I asked when she didn’t seem willing to start up the conversation. For a woman without a job, my mother sure kept busy. She wouldn’t waste her time to visit me for no reason.
“Do you really think I don’t know what my own son is up to?”
“Beyond the things that piss you off? Not really. You’ve never seemed all that interested in my life.”
That took me back to all the times they’d failed me as a whole. How many exhibits and awards had I attended on my own? Or sometimes with the most recent flavor of the month on my arm?