Page 52 of Yours Actually
Like, on a scale of one to ten, where does skipping the wedding reception sit for wedding guest etiquette?
Ugh.My manners and rule-following tendencies are my least favorite thing about me right now.
“Olivia.”
I come to a dead stop at the sound of Penelope Rush’s voice.Glancing to my left, I find her coming my way.Why?What did I do to deserve this?
“Penelope.”
“I heard a little rumor.”
“I bet you did.”I seriously hate this woman, and I don’t actively hate many people.
Her face pinches.“You really do think you’re above all of us, don’t you?”
Her question surprises me but I refuse to show it, and if being a good lawyer has taught me anything, it’s taught me how to keep a blank face.And while I have no idea why she thinks this about me, I’m not getting into it with her.“I’m busy, Penelope, so can you just say what you came here to say?”
More pinching of that bony face.“Fuck you for being a bitch.I don’t know what Callan sees in you, but soon he won’t even be looking at you.”
“Oh, really?Because?”
She steps closer with a look of triumph on her face.“Because soon, the only woman he’ll be looking at is me.I doubt you know this, but Callan and I had the hottest sex.He and I have something special and when we take it to the next level, I’ll ensure he leaves his old best friend behind.There’s absolutely no room for you in the life he and I are going to build.”
This woman is delusional.
“That’s interesting.”
She blinks.
And then she presses her lips together hard.
I don’t think I gave her the response she was looking for.
“Why is that so interesting to you?”
I let my mouth curve up into the tiniest of smug smiles.Fuck her.“Because he just told me that he can’t stop thinking about being with me.”
Oh, she does not like that.Not one little bit.I see the venom a split second before I feel it.“That’s funny because you are so not Callan’s type.Have you even looked in the mirror lately?He doesn’t go for fat chicks, just FYI.I imagine your thighs might suffocate him.”
And just like that, she manages to make me feel like I did all the way through high school.The self-loathing I’ve left behind thanks to hundreds of hours of therapy tries to rear its ugly head and my thoughts try to spiral into shame for being curvier than the world deems acceptable.
I don’t manage a response before she gives me a satisfied smile and leaves after saying, “Don’t worry.I’ll be sure to take good care of him once he’s mine.And good luck finding a new best friend.Oh, and a new job.”
Shame is a mean emotion.A nasty, soul-destroying emotion.
I refuse to sit with it.Never again.So, I inhale a deep breath and walk the rest of the way to the bathroom while forcing that shame away.And once I’m finished there, I hold my head high and walk to the table where Callan’s talking with two of the couples we’re seated with for dinner.
He smiles at me as I slip into my seat and surprises me by placing his hand on my thigh.Dropping his voice low so only I can hear, he says, “You’re going to want to avoid the couple to my right.Their patriarchal views will ruin your night.And I’d appreciate you saving me anytime it looks like they want to talk to me.”
I may have decided never to sit with shame again, but that doesn’t stop my brain from throwing a myriad of other feelings at me.Callan’s hand on my thigh brings up old feelings of humiliation at the thought of being too big to be with a guy.Penelope knew exactly which barb to use when she mentioned my thighs suffocating him.
But just because feelings come up doesn’t mean we have to let them in.It’s in moments like this that I’m grateful for all the work I’ve done on my ability to self-regulate.
I’m healthy.
I’m fit.
And yeah, I’ve got curves, and an ass, and thick thighs.