Page 32 of Don't Make Promises
She’s like a sister to me.
She can’t be more than that to me.
Scrubbing my hand over the back of my neck, I move through the dimly lit apartment until I reach the closed door of my bedroom. A sharp intake of breath is all I allow myself to gather my racing thoughts before I turn the doorknob, push the door open, and step into the room.
Sutton is my girlfriend and I’m in love with her.
Aren’t I?
The question pops into my mind but I push it away. I don’t have the answer. If my body is reacting the way it is to seeing another woman half dressed, can I really say that my feelings for Sutton are as strong as they once were?
A small gap in the drawn curtains affords me enough light to make it to the bed. I can see Sutton laying on her side, facing me.
As quietly as I can, I move toward the bed, pulling the covers back before shucking off my bottoms. The sheets are cool against my heated skin as I lay down.
Reaching out a hand, I rest it on Sutton’s hip on top of the cover, almost desperate for a connection. Anything to remind me of my commitments.
Even if we’re more like friends than lovers.
Sutton shifts, rolling away from me and out of reach, murmuring, “I’ve got to be up early.”
It’s been like this for months. The intimacy that ran rampant between us when we first started dating has diminished to the point we’re more like roommates than partners. We’re both to blame for it, but I can’t help but feel that I should have tried harder. That she’s pushed me away because I haven’t made the effort to keep our connection alive.
I don’t even remember the last time I hugged Sutton or tried to initiate sex.
Maybe that’s why my body is reacting the way it is to having seen Savannah in next to nothing. My balls are practically blue and I’m certain it’s my dick’s way of telling me that it’s fed up with my right hand.
That's all it is.
With one last look at Sutton’s back, I close my eyes, praying for a dreamless sleep. When an image of Savannah, moments ago, dances behind my closed eyes, I open them, staring up at the white ceiling above me.
This, what happened tonight, can’t happen again. Not when I’m in a relationship, no matter how unhappy it is.
A commitment is a commitment, and a promise is a promise. Neither should be taken for granted or treated like they mean nothing.
Tomorrow I’ll find Savannah somewhere else to stay.
A memory of the conversation I had with Jack when we were seventeen, and I’d just moved to Montgomery, flashes into my mind. Before he’d introduced me to Savannah that day at high school, he’d told me about his nerdy kid sister.
When she’d walked towards me, it was like she was fucking floating and I was done for. Her pillowy lips had called to me as her wide eyes drank me in. It took all of my restraint to not ask her to be mine.
It must have been obvious for Jack to see, because that night, when I left his family’s home, in the driveway next to his Cutlass Supreme, he told me that Savannah was off limits. I made a promise to him that I wouldn’t touch her. That I would treat her like my own kid sister.
At the time, his friendship meant more to me than any girl ever could. But with each passing year, as I got to know Savannah, I questioned whether making that promise was a mistake. I still value his friendship—he means the world to me—but so does she.
If only I’d known that in tellingherno, I’d lose her anyway.
With a huff, I roll onto my side, disappointed with myself for dismissing my friendship with Jack. Shit, he’s been there for me through thick and thin.
He’s the only person that’s been a constant in my life since I was a teenager. It’s like the second I met him, he knew what was happening at home and pulled me into his inner circle. Jack became so much more than a friend.
He’s my brother.
It was solidified the night he helped me save my mom. Nothing I can do will ever repay that debt to him.
I’m going to put everything that’s happened tonight and the thoughts that have filled my mind down to having had a stressful week. All I need is a good night’s sleep and then everything can go back to normal.
THIRTEEN