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“I’m telling you this because you need to stay hopeful. Devon is hurting, and he needs you out there, Madd. Don’t give up yet. Promise me you won’t give up on him.” Xavi caught my eye, wanting me to promise.

I couldn’t make that promise. No part of me wanted to give up on Devon, but if he kept reverting to drugs and alcohol, I’d have to free him as soon as I could if I didn’t get out. Devon was the best person I knew, well, for me. I wouldn’t be the one to ruin him. If I had to stay here, I wouldn’t drag him down this dark hole with me. I’d hurt him, hurt myself, and free him from our relationship and his responsibility to get me out. I’d find a gentle way to ease Devon into a life that didn’t include me.

“I love him, Xavi. I love him enough to do whatever it takes to make sure he doesn’t suffer.”

Xavi shook his head. “That’s not the same thing and you know it. None of this is right. You shouldn’t even be in here, and if you break his fucking heart, he’s never going to stop hurting because of this. Whether you’re in or out. Stop thinking about that. Just focus on the trial because you’re getting out in two days. Hear me?”

Those burning tears dripped down my cheeks, and I nodded at my brother. I had to have hope for at least two more days. Two more days and I might be able to hug him, kiss his lips, and lock him away so he could never hurt himself again.

“I don’t want him alone right now, okay? Stay with him until the trial.”

“He’s under constant watch. It’s pissing him off, but he’s succumbing to it. He’s a feisty fucker, but he’s fighting so damn hard for you, Madd.”

I knew he was. I was half surprised he didn’t go hold up a bank just to get locked up in here with me.

“Make sure he knows I love him. Tell him for me.”

For two more days, I’d fight for this as hard as Devon had been fighting for me the past four months.

He was my home, and I’d do anything to get back to him.

30

-Devon-

Day of Trial

Ifuckedupsobad.

Not only did I miss an opportunity to visit Maddox, but I let him down in the process. What the hell had I been thinking? I knew! I fucking knew that bottle would get me nowhere, and I knew the pills I took after wouldn’t help. I knew that, so why the fuck had I done it? The numbness hadn’t even been worth it, and today, the stress was still there, but now it was amplified with a lingering hangover, shame, and even more guilt piled on top of my never-ending supply of it. Maddox didn’t need to worry about anything other than the trial, but I’d gone and made him worry about me.

Devon fucks up again, ladies and gentlemen. Surprise, surprise.

“One mistake doesn’t define you,” Seth said, handing me an already knotted tie because I had no clue how to tie one. “Let it go and move on.”

I wrapped the tie around my neck but made no move to tighten it. I leaned against the reception desk at the shop, feeling like shit. I didn’t know if it was nerves or lingering sickness from my mistake, but either way, my stomach sat heavy in my gut.

“What if they… What if today doesn’t go…”

“Don’t go in thinking like that,” Seth said, flipping my collar up and straightening the tie. “You keep telling him to have hope. Take your own damn advice.” He smiled at me.

The lawyers were confident. Hanes was prepared to put down all the evidence that proved Maddox was set up. Even the ship captain was going to testify in Maddox’s favour, confessing to his side deal with Jim. It was a bargain he struck with Hanes for no jail time; only the loss of his captain’s license and meeting with a parole officer in his hometown. Gary’s daughter had guards for the day, but it gave Gary the peace of mind to come to court and tell the truth. We had enough to at least prove reasonable doubt, and that’d be enough to get Maddox out of there.

The only two people working against us were Davis and my dad. The lawyers told us our chances of proving Maddox innocent were good, but good wasn’t a sure thing. All I needed was for it to prove Maddox had been set up. Then I could get him home and figure out the rest with him.With him.

“I’m trying,” I told Seth as he flipped my collar down and snugged up the tie. “I just want him back.”

Seth dropped his hands. He sighed and took a step back. “Look, Devon, I’ve gotta apologize for how I… treated you in the beginning.”

Now wasn’t the time for that. I nodded to accept it, but waved him off to say I didn’t care right now. Yeah, he made a snide comment about him fucking a guy, but he had more than proven himself since then.

“I just want you to know that as his father, albeit a shitty one, it makes me proud to see how well my son has done with you. He deserves someone to love him the way you do, and I’m glad he has you.” He rubbed the back of his neck while my stomach tightened. “I’m just trying to say… thanks for being so good to him.”

Instead of making a guilty remark about how badly I’d fucked up his life, I simply said, “Always.”

I’d never worn a suit before, and I felt weird as hell in it, but I was ready to go. Time to get my boyfriend back.

Thisfuckingtiechokedme. I loosened it, wiping sweat from my forehead, trying to calm down as Maddox was escorted into the courtroom.