Page 102 of I Think He Knows
So basically, this conversation can no longer wait until tomorrow.
She finally raises her eyes to meet mine and says, “People are watching and I’m assuming that the headline ‘Carter Callahan seen fighting with his fiancée at movie premiere’ isn’t exactly what Elena has in mind for tonight. We should take our seats. This isyournight and I don’t want to spoil your moment.”
“Lan, I don’t give a damn about all that right now.”
She gives a casual wave of her hand that I know isn’t casual. “Carter, we’re here for the show.”
I can tell that she’s going to fight me on this. So, with my hand still on her arm, I do the only thing I can think to do: I grab the handle of the nearest door… and drag her into a supply closet.
“Hey!” she squeaks as the door swings shut behind us. I flick on the light. It’s tiny in here, cluttered with shelving and cleaning supplies. I’m not unaware of the ridiculousness of this situation: me in a custom-made Ralph Lauren suit, her in a stunning evening gown, and my foot planted firmly in a mop bucket.
But desperate times call for desperate measures.
“What do you think you’re doing?” she whispers. We’re standing so close, I can see her pulse moving in her throat.
“Talking to you. I know you’re mad that I didn’t tell you it was Steven I got in a fight with, so I’ll start by saying that I’m sorry you found out like that. But I’m not apologizing for doing it.”
Her eyes are huge as she stares at me incredulously. “You think I’m mad that you punched Steven?”
I nod.
She throws up her hands. “I’m not mad about that! I mean, I’m a little shocked, sure. And it would’ve been nice to find this out without a camera in my face. But whatever. I’m sure he deserved it. He’s not exactly Mother Teresa.”
I monitor her expression carefully. Note the way she still won’t meet my eyes, the way her lips are curved down at the corners, the way her body is angled.
This isn’t the full story. Something else is bothering her.
“What’s going on, Lan?” I ask on an exhale.
A couple of long, drawn out seconds go by. Seconds which, in this tiny broom closet, feel like years.
Then, Lana puts a hand in the middle of my chest, spreading her fingers across my heart and spreading warmth all over my skin. She looks up at me, and her eyes are no longer flat, but liquid. Dark and stormy. “Carter. I know you, and you would never do something like that unprovoked. But I need you to tell me, did you do it because of me? Did he say something to you?”
I swallow, my skin prickling. What he said to me is the exact reason I never brought it up to her. But it’s one thing to keep something from her to protect her, and it’s another to lie to her face about something that indeeddoesdirectly involve her.
She’s looking at me, challenging, and I do what I need to do. “I’m not going to repeat what he said. But yes.”
Her expression pinches. “So I’m the cause of all this crap that’s been happening to you lately. You’ve been dragged through the mud by the press, made out to be a total dick by the media… all because of me and my baggage.”
“No.” I shake my head quickly. “It wasmydecision to hit him, and I’d do it again. Plus, Lan, it’s not about them. I only care whatyouthink.”
She swallows slowly, her eyes darkening even further. “I almost cost you the role of a lifetime inIf Only, and now, you’re standing in a freaking janitor’s closet at your own freaking movie premiere because of me. What Ithinkis that this isn’t what you deserve. The last thing I want to do, ever, is hold you back. And it seems like that’s all I’ve done lately.”
I open my mouth to respond to this, then register her words. “What do you mean, ‘almost’cost me the role inIf Only? They haven’t announced the cast yet.”
“You came home from the meeting this morning walking on air. And you didn’t tell me how it went, so I assumed you were holding off on breaking the news that you were leaving again for filming soon. Tonight was our last event as an officially engaged couple, so I thought you were giving me tonight before telling me.” She sniffles, her voice wavering a touch as she smiles, setting her jaw. “New Zealand, right? I looked it up this morning, they have great surfing there. You can keep practicing.”
She has it all so, so wrong.
“I turned down the role.”
“What?”
“I was happy today because I turned it down. Said thanks but no thanks when they offered it to me. Explained that I was taking a break from acting to spend time with my new family.”
“So… you turned it down because of me?!” She looks almost indignant, her lower lip trembling.
“Because ofus.” I take her hands in mine. “Because ofthisbetween us. Because I want more than anything for this fake engagement to be over, and it will be tonight. So, starting tomorrow we can have something entirely real together.”