Page 104 of I Think He Knows
And to be honest, it’s not all it’s cracked up to be. To start with, I’m standing on a dark street with absolutely no idea where I am or where I’m going. My feet are aching from my heels and I didn’t have a bag with me for the premiere, so I don’t have a phone, or a credit card, or even a Kleenex that I can use to blow my nose.
What the hell am I even doing right now?
Was leaving the right thing to do?
I’m not good when put on the spot… but I should have tried to explain what I was feeling instead of just legging it out of there. Or at least told Carter that I needed some time to think, to process, instead of just saying “no” to him when all I’ve ever wanted to say is “yes.”
He’s always been there for me when I’ve wanted to talk, or not wanted to talk. The man can read me like a book, see what I need before I do.
After my mom died, the night of my Walmart panic attack, we didn’t talk. Not a word. Carter just looked at me, read the situation, then slipped out of his sneakers and crawled into bed with me, drew me close to his chest and wrapped his arms around me.
We fell asleep like that.
And the night after that, and the one after that, and the one after that.
Bit by bit, the nightmares stopped. The anxiety eased enough so that I felt like I could breathe.
It was like stepping out of a fog. But once my vision cleared, I realized that if I didn’t do something, Carter would sacrifice too much. Sacrifice what he couldn’t afford to lose.
Back then, when the opportunity came up for him to go to LA, I was the first to smile and congratulate him. I supported him from the beginning because it was the right thing to do. He had a bright future to chase, and I had a baby to care for. As much as I wanted him to keep holding me each night, I knew that, to grow, we had to be apart. So every time he called, I was strong. I never let him know how much I missed him. I would never hold him back by making him think that he needed to be in Atlanta with me. I couldn’t bear for the person I loved to sacrifice their future for me.
But somehow, he’s still gone and done that. Put me first when he should have been thinking about himself. We could have made a long distance relationship work while he went to New Zealand.
Surely he knows that I would wait forever for him, if I had to?
“Need a ride?” The voice makes me just about jump out of my skin. I didn’t see the sleek, black limo pull up next to me. It’s the same limo that drove Carter and me to the premiere, but now, Anthony’s staring at me through the open back window with a vaguely amused expression on his sweet face.
“I absolutely do.” I stumble towards the car, tripping on my heels as I go.
Anthony is next to me in a flash, putting a steady arm around me as he helps me into the limo, where I inelegantly flop backwards onto a bench seat. Which happens to be leather, so I almost slide right off it in my silk dress.
I manage to claw myself back into some semblance of a seated position, and a box of Kleenex is proffered my way. I smile at Anthony gratefully as I take a wad of them
“You okay there, girlie?” He gives me a sympathetic pat on the knee.
I don’t know if it’s his kindness, or the fact that his well-meaning pat makes me think about Carter and how he’d give my knee a squeeze to make me feel better, but I suddenly feel the weight of what just happened and burst into tears.
Go Anthony and his preempted Kleenexes.
“Does Carter have a good lawyer?” I ask through a dramatic sniffle, then blow my nose. Loudly.
I’m sure I’m the pinnacle of attractiveness and poise right now, but Anthony, bless his heart, does not comment on this. Instead, he gives me a wry, crooked smile. “Yeah, ‘course he does.”
“Do you know what happened?”
He pauses for a moment, then nods. He knows exactly what I’m referring to. “A tape of the footage was leaked earlier today—probably timed with the premiere to make a bigger splash. From there, your ex boyfriend was identified. I guess, when the media reached out to him, he said he was going to press charges.”
I’m seething all of a sudden. HowdareSteven.
But before I can boil over, Anthony gives my knee another pat. “You’ve got nothing to worry about, honey. He doesn’t have a leg to stand on. Several witnesses have come forward saying that Carter was provoked, and by the end of the fight, it was three on one. Your boy won’t face any charges in the end, don’t you worry.”
“Wait, it was three on one?” I gasp, horrified.
“Probably shouldn’t have mentioned that bit.” Anthony looks bashful.
“He never told me what happened that night,” I admit in frustration. “I guess he was trying to protect me from whatever Steven said… but I can’t believe he’d do that at the expense of his entire reputation. I nearly cost him the biggest role of his freaking career.”
“Girl, come on.” Anthony sits forward, crosses his arms and levels me with alook.“Enough with that nonsense.”