Page 106 of I Think He Knows
I sniffle and scrub my hands over my face. I’ve only got myself to blame for this, but all I can do right now is hope that he’s okay.
After a thorough inspection of the curb for rogue discarded gum, I sink down to a seat. Clearly, I’ve reached new lows, quite literally. In the corner of my eye, the security guard frowns and reaches for his walkie-talkie as he comes towards me. I get ready for him to tell me to move on.
But when the voice comes, it’s not the one I expect. It’s that sweet, sexy, low voice that’s simultaneously the most familiar sound in the world, and the most exciting one.
“Is this seat taken?”
I look up to see him standing next to me, dashing as ever in his formal suit. His hair is tousled, and his expression is determined. Passionate. He looks so heartbreakingly perfect that it’s all I can do to hold back a fresh flood of tears.
“Didn’t mean to leave you sitting out here on your own,” he goes on with a confident smile. “But I realized I should have given you time to process rather than demanding you talk to me in a supply closet. So I waited a few minutes before following you to allow you to gather your thoughts.”
I don’t deserve this man…
No, wait. Scratch that.
Idodeserve this man. And he deserves me.
Because together? We’re like two puzzle pieces. A perfect fit.
“I… I… Rory should have ended up with Jess, dammit!” I blurt.
Carter looks momentarily taken aback by the fact that my first words to him are a passionate statement about two fictional characters, but he recovers surprisingly quickly. “Duh. ‘Course she should have, everyone knows that.” He smiles almost sadly. “But Jess never should have left. He should have fought for his place in her world.”
I wipe the back of my arm across my still-watering eyes and blink up at my best friend.
Instead of pulling me to my feet, he sits down next to me on the curb. Puts a gentle hand on my thigh. Squeezes. And the actual, nonGilmore Girlsspeech I had prepared dies on my tongue as we communicate silently, in our own little language.
I’m sorry.
I’m sorry, too.
It’s okay.
We’re okay.
“I tried to get back inside but I couldn’t,” I eventually say softly. “I realized I made a mistake the second I walked away. I came back for you.”
His eyes sparkle. “It’s always nice to come back.”
“It is.” I dip my head in a nod. “Turns out, I didn’t really need to leave after all.”
“Lan, I need you to know something.” Carter’s voice is soft and crackly, like a bonfire kindling. “The last thing on planet earth I ever wanted—or needed—to do was leave you. Not then, not now, not ever. And despite anything you say, I’m never leaving you again.”
“Good,” I choke out. “Because all I want is to be with you. I was so focused on not holding you back, I didn’t stop to think that what we actually do is hold each other together. We’ve always been there for each other and I never want that to change. Because I love you, Carter. Always have. Always will. No matter what.”
He swallows shakily. “I love you too, Lana Mae.”
The scalding, piercing, incredible feeling of saying I love him, hearing him say it back, and accepting it, rather than running from it, washes over me like a tide. I feel cleansed. Right. Like everything is exactly how it should be.
Carter continues, “I’ve been looking for the perfect way to say that for a long time now, to give you a perfect love story. But sometimes there isn’t perfect. Life is messy and confusing and throws us curveballs, and those can hurt. So, maybe, I can’t promise perfect. But what I can do is promise to protect your heart at all costs. To love you well. You’re it for me. My person. And I know I can’t change the past, can never be your first love… but I can be your last. I wantto be your last. If you’ll have me.”
I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: There is no better man than this one.
“Yes,” I whisper as my hands come to his face. “Yes. A thousand times yes.”
He leans over and kisses me, and despite being on a dirty curb in a busy street and all his words about not being able to give me perfect… well, it’s pretty damn perfect.
When we pull apart, I shake my head at him in wonder. “But I still think you should have gone to watch your premiere before coming to find me. There were so many people here to see you.”