Page 77 of I Think He Knows
But I‘ve never actuallybeena father.
Which means that I have no idea what to expect on a camping trip with twenty-five nine-year-old girls and their fathers (or their stand-ins, like myself). I’m actually nervous to make sure I live up to what Allegra’s hoping for. Who comes up with these fundraising events, anyhow? Especially ones like this, that are so non-inclusive to so many families.
My money’s on that Mona character.
But while I might be wary of the night that’s about to unfold, Allegra is positively gleeful as we unload my Jeep and make our way to the fields behind the school where this shindig is taking place. She walks right beside me, chattering nonstop as she clutches her bumper-size bag of marshmallows and bounces up and down in her high-top Converse shoes, ponytail askew and smile turned up to a million watts.
“There’s gonna be games and s’mores and hot dogs and campfire songs! Ashlynn is gonna be sooooo jealous when I tell her my daddy is better than hers.”
“S’mores and hot dogs sound awesome… wait, what?”
“Campfire songs, Cart—I mean, Daddy.”
“No, I mean, what was that other thing you said about being better than someone’s dad… Ashlynn, was it?”
“Oh, yeah. She’s gonna besojealous that my daddy is in movies and her daddy is just a police officer.”
My heart constricts a little. Why our society looks up to celebrities so much, I’ll never know. In my entire career, I’ve never made any significant positive difference, injected any sort of good into the world. Sure, I donate money and support good causes, but that seems almost lazy to me sometimes. Like I could be doing something much more meaningful with my time and with the money I’ve been lucky enough to come into.
I’m just glad that I had the foresight to set up a college fund for Allegra after I got my first big role. Not that Lana Mae knows about this. While she may refuse to accept money from me, history dictates that she can’t be mad if I did it for her daughter.
And she did accept the ring I got her, in the end. Although it took some convincing. I smile as I think back to her pulling me behind the equipment shed last Sunday, eyes fiery, then softening as I told her the truth behind the ring. Because it was true, I wanted her to have something as beautiful and special as she deserves.
“Is Ashlynn, by any chance, Ashlynn McCreary?” I ask Allegra, redirecting my train of thought onto our conversation.
“Yuppers. Her mom is Mona the Moaner.”
I can’t help but chuckle at her earnest expression. “Okay, yeah. Between you and me, kid, I agree that Ashlynn’s mom does seem to be a bit on the moany side of things from time to time. But being a police officer is a pretty cool job—you catch real-life criminals. Acting is just… pretending.”
“I like pretending. That’s what we’re doing tonight, right?”
“Right,” I agree hesitantly. Because the truth is that the longer this goes on, the more real it feels…
The more Iwantit to be real.
And not only the whole “engaged to Lana Mae” thing, but being here, with Legs. I might be unsure about what to expect tonight, but being her support and the one she’s excited to invite on her daddy daughter campouts feels good. Really good.
“I’m going to tell everyone that you’re the best dad ever, even though my friend Ella’s mom told her that you're not a nice man and you get into a lot of fights.” Legs blinks up at me. “Is that true?”
I pause. I don’t want to lie to the kid, but at the same time, how do I explain this one? I’ve been parenting for all of ten minutes and it’s already a roller coaster of emotions. “Kinda. I got in one fight a little while back.”
“Whoa. Fighting is bad.”
“I know,” I tell her. “And it’s definitely something I’m not proud of.”
“Why did you do it?”
Well, that’s a loaded question.
I think very carefully for a moment before finally asking, “Have you ever seen anyone do something really wrong or unfair, and it made you mad?”
Legs nods vehemently. “Yeah. Zeke Williams stole Kayden Oberstein’s lunch and threw it on the floor of the cafeteria so he had nothing to eat.”
“That’s a great example. What happened next?”
“I went up to him and told him that he was being a bully.”
I try my hardest not to smile at her fierce little expression. She’s like a mini Lana Mae when she’s passionate about something. And, same as with Lana, I’m sure this isn’t the full story. “And then what?”