Page 60 of Season's Schemings
At first glance, she looks intimidating. A force to be reckoned with.
But my new perspective is allowing me to see past this for the first time in a while. Maybe ever. Now, I can see where her lipstick bleeds into the lines around her mouth. Where her stockings have a snag on the ankle. Where her powder hasn’t fully covered the capillaries on her cheek.
My mother is deeply unhappy. She’s stayed in a loveless marriage for years, just for the sake of appearances, and is choosing to have Christmas with her daughter’s ex-boyfriend’s family for the same reason… watching Elizabeth sit in my old place at the table.
It’s a place I don’t want anymore, but my mother wants so desperately, she’ll cling to it until her hands are cold and lifeless.
I feel sorry for my mother, I realize.
“Does Dad cheat on you?” I ask softly, asking aloud for the first time something that I’m sure I’ve known, deep down, for a very long time. “Is that why you’re justifying Adam cheating on me?”
Her laugh is full of mirth. “Cheating,” she scoffs. “What an ugly word. I simply turn a blind eye to Richard’s wanderings, and in return, I keep my place as his wife.”
“You mean his access. Connections. Social circles.”His money.
Mom sniffs in response, and turns away like she didn’t hear me.
“Don’t you want to be in love?” I press.
"Don't be so naive, Maddie,” Mom says thinly, still looking in the other direction. “Love isn't always what matters most in relationships."
I thought I was ready for this conversation… but maybe I’ll never be truly prepared to take on my mother. Her armor is too thick, her battle skills too honed.
All I can do is shake my head. For so long, I worried about what she thought. For so long, I molded myself into what Adam wanted me to be… I hardly stopped to think about whatIwanted.
My mind flashes back to Seb’s words from earlier:You deserve to be celebrated. Deserve to be praised. Deserve to have all of those people look at you and talk to you with way more respect. And I’m here to help you get everything you deserve.
I draw strength from his words, from his belief in me, and I turn to face my mother, head on. Stand up to my full height and look her dead in the eye. “Well, Mom, it seems that you and I have very different priorities in terms of what we want in relationships.”
Mom sets her jaw, seeming a little taken aback by my response. Which is fair. I can’t remember the last time I challenged her like this. “I just want to know when you’re going to stop putting on this littleshowwith Sebastian, and start focusing on getting Adam to see that you two should be together. ”
“Adam and Ishouldn’tbe together. The guy cheated on your daughter, and you’re somehow defendinghim. I’m never going back to him, Mom. Even if that makes you upset. There’s more to life than keeping up with the Joneses—or in this case, the Plumlees—and I feel sorry for you that you don’t see that.”
Saying this feels good.
I feel empowered. Lighter.Freer.
But sadly, instead of listening to a word of my wisdom, my mother sniffs. “Well, don’t come crying to me when that hockey player breaks your heart.”
“He won’t,” I insist.
There’s a silence before Mom faces me again, an odd smile that I’ve never seen before twisting her lips. “You think I’m against you, but I’m not. I’m looking out for you. Adam’s eyes may have wandered, but he wouldn’t have left you if you’d kept your head down and appeased him. Sebastian, on the other hand? He’ll leave you when you don’t suit his fancy anymore. Don’t think I haven’t looked him up online—the man is a perpetual bachelor, married to his job. No one can change a man like that. Not even you, Madelyn.”
I try not to wince—I don’t want to give her the satisfaction—but I’m sure she can see right through me. Some of my Christmas cheer and optimism begins to fade as her words ring true. Because no matter how this all started out, it’s pretty clear now that I’ve let myself develop very real feelings for Seb.
“We’re married,” I protest, but the little voice in the back of my head—the one that only a few minutes ago was telling me not to worry about the details today—reminds me that she’s right. Once Christmas with the family is over, Seb will have upheld his end of our agreement, and once his paperwork comes through, he’ll be free to cut me loose.
Mom’s face is scornful, yet something in my reaction must get through to her, because I now see some sadness behind her eyes.
“Don’t let that rock on your finger fool you.” Her voice has softened slightly. “Men like that are all the same. The second something that suitshisgoals better comes along. Look at how your biological father left us.”
For the first time, in Mom’s expression, I see the truth. That however misguided and warped her advice is, she reallyistrying to look out for me in her own strange way. She’s been in my position: she fell for a man who walked away from her and left her alone with a child. She wouldn’t be fooled twice, which is why she settled for security over love with Jax’s dad. Why she’s turned a blind eye to his indiscretions.
Because that hurt less than falling in love and risking another heartbreak.
“Guess it’s a good thing that I’m Maddie’s husband, and not her father.” The deep voice comes from behind me, and I turn to see Seb standing by the sliding doors to the balcony, his handsome face with a slightly strained smile. “And I also guess it’s a good thing your daughter is her own person, and not you,” he finishes softly.
Mom actually has the decency to look abashed.