Page 70 of Crash & Burn

“Sterling, I haven’t seen her since last year.” I’m defensive, I hate that I have to explain this to her, that she evenneedsthe explanation.

“That’s not what I asked,” she demands.

“No, Sterling.” I’m short with my answer. I want this night to be over. Or to start over completely so I could tell Sterling to avoid delusional Desiree. But part of me realizes Sterling is right. The connection between us is coming too close, and we’re both going to continue getting hurt if we carry on.

“Why even bring me here?” I know what she wants to ask me...why even bring me here if you were just going to fuck that waitress?

But I wasn’t even thinking about anyone else tonight. All I ever think about is Sterling.

“She means nothing to me. I honestly forgot about her completely, let alone the fact that she works here. If I had remembered or was even worried in the slightest that this would have happened, I would have never brought you here.” I try to be sincere with my words, but I also don’t want her to latch on to anything that will upset her more or give her hope otherwise.

She takes deep breaths as she watches me carefully. Her sadness begins to fall from her face. I find this the perfect opportunity to let her down gently.

“Sterling,” I whisper to her as she wraps her arms around herself. I can tell she’s cold, so I take off my suit jacket and lay it over her shoulders.

“Listen, I told you I have some demons I’m not proud of. And the last thing I want to do is hurt you.” I shock myself at how mature I sound. I’ve never had to end things with someone in this way, especially not with someone who I have feelings for.

Did I just admit that to myself?

I have feelings for Sterling.

Of course, I do.

How could I not?

The time we’ve spent together may not seem like a lot to someone looking in from the outside, but it feels real and genuine. And different. When you know, you know.

Sterling is real.

But if that’s not more of a reason to break this off, I don’t know what is. Suddenly I’m stuck with the realization that Sterling might not be the only one who could get hurt here.

“Maybe you’re right, this needs to end here,” I finish, trying to search her face for any reasonnotto end this. But all I see is a broken heart when I look at her. And that hurts me more than anything.

“Unbelievable,” she breathes. “I can’t believe you, Callan. You know what, fine. You’re probably right. This was never going to work anyway.”

She turns to leave but stops in her tracks and faces me again.

“You know, I thought for a brief second that things could be different with you. I thought you could be good for me. I guess I was wrong.”

“Wait!” I reach for her as she leaves again, and I’m immediately irritated with myself. I am unbelievable. I’m fucking with her feelings and it probably doesn’t feel good to her either.

This girl drives me insane, and I can’t seem to make up my mind. Do I let her stay and risk hurting her, risk getting hurt myself? Or do I let her walk away and risk regretting not giving whatever this is a shot?

I remember what she said earlier at the table. About me taking my own advice.

“Hear me out, Sterling.” I lead her back over to the brick wall of the building, away from any prying eyes.

“I need your full honesty right now. I can handle the fact that you’ve slept with other women before me. I’m not naïve to the fact that you’re a wanted man, Callan. But I need to know the truth...” Her lashes feather over her rosy cheeks as she breathes in, shivering.

“Ask me anything.”

“At Dakota’s party, when you came to pick me up. Dakota said you kissed another girl.”

“What?”

“Is that true, Callan?”

“Sterling, I-”