Page 74 of Crash & Burn
The sky is now dark, I notice the time on the clock reads nine p.m. It’s been only a few hours since our fight, if we can even call it that.
“All I’m saying is that you can stay here,” he starts as he cracks his knuckles together before placing them in his lap.
I heard what he said. But I don’t think I’m registering what he’s saying.
Callan gets up from the couch and heads into the kitchen, grabbing two glasses out of the cabinet. I watch him fill each glass with water before taking a deep breath as he walks back over to the couch, setting the glasses of water on the coffee table.
“What do you mean?” I lean over to grab my glass and take a big gulp of water, trying to push down the lump in my throat.
“I mean...” he trails off for a second, taking a breath before continuing, “I like having you here.”
Call it a knee-jerk reaction or maybe utter shock, but I spit my water out in the direction of Callan. Water drips from his chin and onto his pants as I stare at him in complete confusion.
He looks upset as he leaves the couch, once more, to grab a towel to wipe himself off. I still haven’t registered what he said.
“Well, that’s not quite the reaction I was expecting.” He leans against the kitchen counter facing the window.
“You want me to move in? With you?” I stand from the couch and face him.
“It was just a thought. You don’t have to.” I walk over to where he’s standing, only stopping a few feet in front of him. I see his biceps flex as he tosses the towel into the kitchen sink, and I’m so tempted to throw out all rationality and give him whatever he asks for right here and now.
“Callan, do you remember that conversation we had just hours ago outside of the restaurant? The one about feelings and complications? We practically both said out loud that we needed to end whatever this was,” I mention, trying to place my words carefully but too confused to know how.
“I get it, Sterling. I do. But I’m pretty fucking sure I’ve established that that is definitelynotwhat I want.” He focuses his gaze on me, which brings even more heat to my skin. “Thisis what I want. I’m done playing these stupid games.” He pulls me into him, eyes low and piercing.
“So, you just decided, within the last hour, that I should move in with you?” I look up at him, then to the spot where his hand barely holds on to mine, then back at him again.
“No. I’ve been thinking about it since the moment you told me about your eviction notice, as more of a roommate situation until you can get back on your feet. But nothing is ever that simple with us as it seems.” His eyes are on the floor as I let go of our brief contact and start to pace in front of him. “But now, I feel like we can make it more than just a roommate situation. I’m not lying, Sterling. I want this, and I won’t be going anywhere.”
But would we be dating?
What do we call each other?
What if we end up hating each other five days from now?
What if this is all just some crazy fling that we had for a few weeks and it all goes up in flames?
Nerves and thoughts of what-if consume me as I watch this man patiently begging – unintentionally – with his gold-flecked green eyes.
“What made you change your mind?” I ask.
“You.” His eyes bore heatedly into mine.
I let out a much-needed exhale and stop fidgeting around Callan’s living room. I steady myself back in front of him.
“I can’t possibly afford half of the rent for this place.” I throw my hands around me.
“Sterling, I own this place. You’d be paying nothing.” His eyes bore into mine. He’s really fucking serious about this.
But why? I find it really hard to believe that this is a real conversation I’m having right now.
He reaches for my wrist and pulls me gently to him, then lifts me up and sits me on the counter. I position my legs around his torso and look up at his beautiful dark eyes. He lowers his voice and wraps his hand around my waist.
“You don’t have to call itmoving in. You can just call itcrashing with a friendor whatever you feel like calling it. You can stay here until you feel comfortable enough to find a place of your own or you can stay as long as you’d like. I even have the spare bedroom over there if that makes you feel more comfortable.” He nods his head past the kitchen. “But if you don’t want to, I get it. The invitation has been extended so it’s up to you. But I’d really like it if you stayed.”
I let his eyes wander over my face, noticing that I’ve never seen Callan so expressive and sensitive before. So vulnerable. His fingers squeeze a little tighter into my hip like he’s trying to pull me closer, and his eyes wrap me in a warm hug.
“If I stay here, hypothetically, what do we tell everyone at work? How do we explain whatever this is to someone who asks?” I push him back a little, giving myself space to breathe while I try to process my thoughts. “We’d be spending pretty much all of our time together.”