Page 77 of Crash & Burn

“Hit you?” She blinks up at her mom. Her face displays traces of skepticism, tears begging to break free from her coffee-colored eyes.

Watching Sara carry so much pain in this moment hurts me just the same. It feels like we’re stuck to the ground as an earthquake shatters everything around us.

“You’re lying!” Sara shouts, tears streaming hot down her face.

“No, I’m not, Sara. Look at my face.” She turns back to her suitcases. “We need to leave. He’s drunk and I don’t want him to come home and hurt you. That’s why I needed you to pack a bag. That’s why I have to let Sterling go. We’re leaving, we’re moving in with Mimi.” She sucks in some much-needed air as she searches my face for a reaction.

“Why would he do this?” Sara steps back from her mom. “Why?” She demands. I watch her as she takes small steps backwards, like she’s trying to put space between her and her mom’s words. She doesn’t want to believe that someone she loves could do something so horrific.

“I don’t have an answer for you, sweetie.” Her mom tries to stay calm, and I notice that she looks to me for help as Sara is on the verge of losing it.

“Sara, why don’t you head upstairs, and I’ll meet you up there in a minute. Okay?” She wipes tears from her cheeks before nodding and running back up the stairs.

Mrs. Chen waits for her daughter to be out of sight and earshot before turning to me.

“How could he do this, Sterling? How could he?” she questions in between sobs and sighs.

“I don’t know how to answer that question,” I whisper as she pulls me in for a hug.

I know that they aren’t my real family, but I feel heartbreak from this as well. The all-too-familiar feeling flooding its way back into my heart, crashing and breaking. Shattering into a million tiny pieces.

I can remember exactly how I felt when I got similar news.Dad has betrayed us. No little girl should have to feel hate in their heart for their father, or anyone they love for that matter.

This is exactly what scares me the most about commitment. Getting hurt, or betrayed, or abandoned all over again.

The product of family trauma.

The solution is to put up a wall, let no one in. Because as long as they’re only looking at you from the outside, they can’t destroy what’s inside. They can’t break your heart.

But choosing to live that way could be just as damaging.

The product of self-destruction.

There’s no way out, no way to win the war. I’ve been so determined to guard my heart from pain, but what if it no longer needs guarding? What if my heart is finally safe, with Callan?

“I just feel like you’re wasting your time here with me when you could be out there exploring your heart’s desires.”

Sara’s old words find their way from the archived conversations I keep in the back of my mind. I think about how silly she sounded at the time but now it’s like she knew I was going to need to hear it. Except the part where she said I was wasting my time with her. Every moment spent with Sara has healed the parts of me that so desperately missed being part of a family.

I’ve made up my mind about what I’m going to do with my life, with my heart. But first, I have to go say good-bye to the little girl who probably has no idea that she changed my life.

twenty-nine

Callan

I’dbeenwaitingforwhat felt like years, for Sterling’s call last night. When she finally did, she said she wanted to talk, but needed sleep first, which made me nervous as hell, but she insisted everything was going to be fine.

I practically begged her to come back to my house, but when she told me about what happened with Sara, I understood why she was exhausted. She said she needed to get into a better headspace.

But now, I sit here in my office waiting for her to call or text or even show up for work, for fuck’s sake. She’s late and I hate that she hasn’t even called to explain her unexcused tardiness. There’s a knock at my door, and disappointment washes over me when I see Cora standing in the doorway instead of Sterling.

“Yes, Cora?” I raise a brow in annoyance to meet her flirty smirk.

“I just wanted to check in. You seemed-” I raise my flat palm out in front of me.

“Just stop. It’s none of your business. Please get back to work.”

If Cora put as much time and effort into her job as she has into trying to get me alone in my office these past couple of weeks, maybe she would’ve actually gotten the assistant position she wanted. I’m so glad she didn’t, though. Otherwise, I may have never met Sterling.