Page 127 of Rise & Fall
“Honestly, I don’t know. But I know you’re a good person and I know it’s not my place to meddle in my ex’s personal life,” she side eyes him, “so I want you to know that you have my blessing.”
Nolan goes to open his mouth; I know he’s got something to say to that, but I stop him and speak up instead.
“Thanks, Jessica. But we aren’t really looking for your blessing or approval. I just wanted to make sure that you knew that I had no idea who you were when I brought you to my house that night. And I felt guilty knowing that conversation we had and then finding out that you were also talking about Nolan. I just didn’t want there to be any animosity between us,” I admit, feeling really proud of myself for doing the right thing in this situation.
Regardless of what Nolan may think, if I’m going to be in his daughter’s life, Jessica’s opinion does matter to me. She has a right to know who’s going to be taking care of her kid.
Jessica sighs, the air feeling less tense than it did when I entered. And though it’s only been about seven minutes of conversation so far, it feels like we’ve been standing in the same place for hours.
“Listen, I’m happy for you. I really am, for both of you. I won’t say much because it’s not my place, out of respect for Nolan, and honestly, there’s nothing I want to say. If my Aria bug is happy, I’m happy. That’s all that matters to me.” She shrugs off her words like they mean nothing to her, but I know she’s holding up a front. A wall that needs to be knocked down with time and woman to woman, I respect that about her.
I know this dynamic isn’t going to flow immediately. But it’ll take all of us to get the gears turning and even if she never comes to terms with the fact that Nolan and I are a couple, I won’t let that affect the way Aria is being raised.
“Thanks, Jess,” Nolan says. Though I can tell he’s just trying to be the bigger person and I won’t reprimand him for his sarcasm because I know he’s trying for me. I know the heartbreak he went through. I know it’ll always be there whether or not it has to do with who.
“But now that I have you here, I wanted to let you know that I got accepted into a community college in California and I have to start finding a place to live in less than a month.” Jessica breaks the silence with her news and I don’t know how to react or what to say.
You mean to tell me I went through all of this just to find out she was leaving?
Insert eye roll emoji here.
“I’m confused.” I let my mind do the talking, knowing that it’s not really my concern and her statement was more so meant for Nolan.
“I realized I had shit I needed to work on. I don’t like the idea of leaving my little girl behind. But I’ll be back during breaks and summer to see her. And now that I know that you’re in the picture,” she looks over at me, “it might work out to where you can facetime me with my Aria bug. I never imagined wanting to take a big step like this, but I know she’s safe here with Nolan and I know that she’d be proud of me when she grows up. I’m doing this for her.”
My heart swells with admiration for the move she’s making. I had to make a similar sacrifice not knowing the damage it would cause my life but, in the end, it was better for me. I hope that for her. I hope that Jessica finds what she’s looking for and I know that Aria will be proud of her mom when it’s all said and done. I’ll make sure of it.
If you were to ask me any amount of time ago where I saw myself at the age of twenty-four, you’d never catch me saying that I’d be in my boyfriend’s kitchen figuring shit out with his ex-wife, talking about the future for his child, and carrying one of our own.
But here we are.
And I wouldn’t trade it for anything else in the world.
Closing the door to one chapter and opening another means letting go of shit you didn’t know you were harboring. For Nolan and my story to move on, we had to come to the realization that we both had heartbreak we were being stubborn about.
I knew my heart was broken, but I never gave myself a chance to heal from it.
Nolan talked about his divorce enough for me to know that he also wasn’t willing to let himself find a way to let go of the fact that he was taken advantage of by someone who actually isn’t a bad person, but someone who wasn’t in the right place for her life’s alignments either.
We all accepted something as fate because we thought it was what we were supposed to do.
Meeting Nolan has been the greatest experience of my life. It’s been fast, it’s been fun, it’s been refreshing, and he’s opened up my eyes to a lot of new realizations I didn’t know I needed.
For one, being a mother is a big part of who I want to be, and even though the science said it wasn’t possible, the universe is giving me a chance.
Not to mention the realization that I didn’t actually know what love was until I met Nolan. Being with him feels like home and that’s how I know I’m where I want to be.
And then there’s my dad.
Boy would he be proud of me. Just as Nolan says his mom would be proud of him.
Destiny was never a word in my vocabulary because the idea of it seemed a little silly. But I was also in a place where I was forcing my future on myself. Forcing my happiness.
Now, it comes naturally.
“I’m proud of you,” Nolan says as he kisses my head. “Mitch is going to keep Aria for the night, and unless you have other plans, I’d like to show you just how fucking proud of you I am.” His eyes are filled with desire and adoration as he gazes over my body.
It’s been an hour since we parted ways with Jessica, and we decided to unwind by watching a movie. He put onStepbrothersand it’s like he knows the cure to my soul because Will Ferrell fixes everything for me.