Page 29 of Rise & Fall
“You’re the best sissy ever!” she squeals.
“I doubt it, but thanks, kid.”
A few minutes later, we pull up to the park across the street from my apartment. We get out and Em starts running towards the playground.
“Careful!” I shout out in hopes she’ll slow down, but it doesn’t help. She hits the stairs to the slide and starts climbing to the top.
The air is hot, not a single cloud in sight as the wind lightly rustles through the oak trees and nothing but the sound of birds is present. It’s the first day in a while without the threat of rain.
I sit on the bench for a second and watch Em run circles around the slide, going up then coming down. Each time faster than the last. I relax into the serenity of the moment, taking a deep breath as I realize that I would be so content just looking after this little girl for the rest of my life. It’s like I was meant to be here, doing this whole parenting thing.
Parent.
Kids.
I’ve never really thought about it a whole lot.
Do I want my own kids?The more I watch Em fly around the playground, the look in her gleeful eyes when sleepiness takes over as I read her our favorite fairy tales for bed, how excited she gets when she gets a good mark at school. All of that warms my heart. It sends me into a want for something like that of my own.
Of course, I’ll always have Em. But I’m her older sister. And I know that after feeling the love I feel for this little girl, the undeniable and unconditional love that I know I can and want to give, I’m meant to do more.To be a mom.
As I watch my sweet little sister though, I feel pain knowing that I was almost there. Not knowing what my purpose was in life, realizing for a millisecond that it could have been to be a mom, then to have all of that come crashing down once the realization hit that the puzzle is incomplete. I’m alone. Probably forever.
Em smiles back at me, almost as if knowing my thoughts have wandered into a wonderful but lonely place.
I look down at my phone to see if Nolan responded to me and he doesn’t. I feel a tang of disappointment wash over me, but I shake it off as I join Emsley by the swings who seems to be really struggling to get herself started.
“Yayy! Push me, push me!” she chants as I approach.
My back is to the street as I push her on the swing, and it’s not long before another little kid runs up and joins us. Em squeals in utter excitement when she realizes who the little girl is.
Long brown hair and those dark, recognizable eyes.Aria.Which can only mean one thing, her mom is here too. But I don’t dare look behind me. Not a chance.
“PLAYDATE!” Aria screams as she jumps tummy first onto the seat of the swing.
Suddenly, I get a text. Still wanting to remain still, like prey hiding from its predator, in hopes that I don’t accidentally turn and see Aria’s mom. Why? I don’t know. It’s childish but I just agreed to go on a date with her ex so the feeling of awkwardness sweeps at my feet.
I look down at my phone.
Damn. You look good.
My first reaction is to look down at what I’m wearing. My copper-red hair is down in its stick-straight glory while I sport a pair of black biker shorts, white Nikes, and an oversized gray and white tie-dye shirt that says “STFUATTDLAGG” across my chest. Probably not really kid-appropriate now that I think about it but they don’t know what it means, only the elite members of the romance book world knows what it means so I thought I could get away with it.
But when I look back down at the text, I realize it came from Nolan.How the fuck would he know what I’m wearing?
That’s when I hear Aria.
“Come on, Daddy. Watch me do the monkey bars!” The girls are now on top of the castle-like structure attempting to do the monkey bars, which has me on edge because I hate anything that could hurt Em, but not as on edge as the fact that I hear footsteps approaching from behind.
I turn around to be met with all six-foot-two of rock-solid handsomeness and the sweetest mixture of sawdust and eucalyptus fills my nostrils creating a low growl in my belly.
“Stalker much?” I blurt out instead of saying something like “How was your day?” or “What brings you ‘round this neck of the woods?”
No, I just accuse him of stalking instead.
“Nice to see you, too, DJ.” He smirks his sexy lips at me and suddenly the air around me is not enough to take a full breath in.
“It’s Wednesday. What are you doing here? I thought Aria’s mom had her this week?” I look back over at the girls who are now playing hide and seek. Em is hiding behind a stick-thin tree.