Page 4 of Rise & Fall

“I’ll file this with the judge tomorrow,” I say as I walk over to collect the papers, leaning over slightly. The smell of her vanilla perfume hits my nose, which I’ve grown to loathe at this point.

I know I’m being an overbearing ass. And the quicker we can go our separate ways the easier it’ll be for me to get back to who I am.

“I’ll sleep at a friend’s tonight,” she says leaning over to pick up her purse before getting out of the chair.

And that’s when I see it, the hickey on her neck.

But I don’t care anymore, she’s no longer my problem and I won’t let her infect my life any further. She can sleep with whoever she wants, and I will wash my hands of this dreadful marriage.

I’ve never been a man to be so hateful. I take pride in the decisions I make and in the way I conduct myself; my mother raised me to be respectful.

“Nolan means noble and fighter. I see that in you. That’s why I named you what I did, my son,”she told me. I was ten then, but I remember that day well. It was when she was having a good day and wanted to share stories. Soon, she stopped sharing stories. And then, she stopped everything. The dementia took over and I lost all sense of who I was.

And though she raised me to be a strong and respectful human being, I can’t seem to offer respect to someone who never gave me the same. I think Jessica liked the stability and security. Especially when I got the promotion I did. It allowed her to stay home.

I made the decision to marry her to appease my mom in a way. I thought it would make her happy, even though she couldn’t physically validate that assumption. I thought it would make up for the way I acted out after she died but standing here now with the signed divorce papers in my hand, I know she’d be proud. I can feel it. This day, this moment, is going to lead to something more.There has to be more.

Jessica gets up from the table and leaves the house without another word and better yet, another pointless argument. That woman is insufferable. The house will be hers officially in a couple of weeks, so I need to start packing and finding a new place to live.

But first, before I can think about anything else, I walk down the hallway and two doors down. I knock quietly and a jovial voice answers back.

“Who’s there?”

“King Nolan,” I reply.

“King Nolan. What’s the magical password?” Her voice is tiny and bright, which perfectly describes her all together.

“The king needs a password to enter his own kingdom?” She giggles at my question.

“What if you’re apasta?” she says, obviously not knowing how to pronounce imposter.

“The password is Hedgehogs Rule.”

“You may enter.” I turn the doorknob and walk into her room. Her walls are pink and purple with white clouds painted at the tops by the ceiling. Her bedding matches her wall colors.

Aria is laying out on her floor with stuffed animals surrounding her; she’s got on a princess play-dress and a fake crown sits on top of her beautiful light brown hair which falls down past her shoulders. Seeing her play so innocently puts me at ease knowing she didn’t hear her mother and I arguing moments ago. But also, I look at her and know that this is the right thing to do.

“Princess Aria,” I say as I bow.

She laughs at me before introducing me—for the hundredth time—to her royal friends. Teddy Jester and Prince Koala are just a few. Who knew a five year old would have such an imagination. I don’t remember being so entertained at her age.

“It’s almost bedtime, my princess. We have another day of ruling the kindergarten kingdom tomorrow.” I fix up her bed sheets so she can slide under the covers easily.

“Can I sleep in my princess dress? It helps with the beauty sleep.” I chuckle at her as she gets up from the floor and walks over to the bed.

“Just this once. Did you brush your teeth after dinner?” She nods and I lean over and kiss her forehead before helping her into her big-girl bed.

“Wait, where’s Frog?” Her little brown eyes squint as she searches the edges of her bed, nearly fifty stuffed animals surround her but none of them are Frog.

I look on the floor and see the battered green stuffie just under her bed.

“Here he is. I think he was playing hide and seek with you, my princess.” I pick up the stuffed frog and tuck it into the tops of the blanket next to her shoulders.

“Goodnight, Daddy,” she says at the same time she yawns and my heart warms with something sublime.

I turn out the light before closing the door. If I have done anything right in all this chaos, it’s her.

She is my life.