Page 71 of Rise & Fall
“Ugh, some asshole out there just told me I’d be a fun ride for a night if I shut my mouth while we did it.” She turns to her own locker and pulls out a stick of gum. “Does that mean that I’m hot, but I talk too much?”
“Welcome to Saturday nights,” I quip, and she just laughs.
“Seriously, why are some guys such pigs?” She clamps down on the mint stick and starts chewing.
“Beats me.” I turn to exit the breakroom and she’s no more than two steps behind me.
“Hey, you okay?” She asks, probably sensing my worry. Or my pain.
Worry over Nolan. Pain over the infertility news. I haven’t told anyone yet, and I thought I’d be able to talk to Nol about it. But he’s nowhere to be found.
And as I stop my footfalls, listening to Barbie’s question, it hits me all over again. Because I’m not okay.
“Oh my goodness, hey.” She soothes me from behind as she turns me around to face her, pulling me in for a hug.
“What’s wrong? Was the trash redelivered to your house?” She jokes about Asher, and I do actually catch myself letting out a little giggle through the pathetic tears.
“I got some awful news today and I’m not quite sure how to deal with it.” I sniffle as I pull away from her embrace, not realizing that I’ve never been that close to her before, but it feels nice to have someone listen.
“If you want to talk about it, babes. I’m here. But it’s okay if you don’t want to talk about it either.” Barbie looks at me intently, like she really is sincere about listening to me.
That’s when I see her in a new light. I see her big, beautiful blue eyes. The small beauty mark above her lip. And I see that she’s more than just a dumb blonde we call Barbie because of her blonde hair and ditzy persona. She’s a really sweet person. And I’m glad she’s here.
“Thank you, Barbie. I should get in there before Steve loses his shit on me.”
We both laugh making our way out to take on the night.
A few hours go by, not as busy as usual. But I’ve already secured over five-hundred dollars in tips. Which is usually a Monday or Wednesday night if I work them. But as I’m wiping down the now-empty bar top, I can’t help but wonder what the hell I’m doing any of this for?
I know I came back to help my mom take care of Emsley. But Dexter is in the picture a lot more now, giving me a bit more freedom to do things I wouldn’t have necessarily had time for before. I know that this is where I want to be, in Charlotte where I grew up, watching my little sister grow and do amazing things with her life.
But me? I have nothing else to really live for. Not if I can’t have a family of my own. So here I am, busting my ass at ten o’clock at night at a bar, nearly twenty-four years old, for no real reason other than to just keep myself busy at this point.
I hate knowing that I won’t get to have that dream future that others are so lucky to achieve. Especially after I was finally starting to feel good about where I’m at right now.
I worked hard to make myself happy and live up to my dream life expectations. But it didn’t work out for me, I had to detour. Which was hard and stressful, feeling all of the control being taken from me. And now,infertility.
I’m really feeling lost right now, and all I want is to talk to Nolan.
As I get ready to head out for a break, the phone next to the cash register begins to ring. I turn my head to see that I’m the only one able to grab it at this moment, so I reroute to grab the phone.
“Booze & Beats. This is Red, how can I help you?”
“I was wondering if Dakota was in still?” A deep, almost pained voice greets me on the other side, almost familiar but I can’t quite make it out.
“Umm, this is she?” I respond in question, realizing that they asked for my real name, something we don’t give out here.
“Red?” And that’s when I hear it, it’s Nolan’s voice. “That’s right, I forgot you use those silly nicknames.” He chuckles and my knees almost buckle at the sound.
“Where the hell have you been?” I fire at him, not forgetting how I tried to get a hold of him for nearly three hours today. “I was worried about you. Why are you calling my work phone?”
I look around to see that the bar is still empty and none of my coworkers can hear this conversation.
“Because you weren’t answering your phone and thought you must have just been working. It took me a minute to remember the name of that bar you worked at.” He sounds like it hurts him to talk, like he’s forcing himself to get his words out.
“Where have you been?” I ask, feeling really desperate to leave work and go to wherever he is, but I have at least four more hours left, and Barbie left hours ago so I can’t ask her to cover me.
“There’s been an accident. I’m okay.” He sighs, and I hold my breath.