Page 80 of Rise & Fall
“I’m not letting you leave now.” He shifts his weight off of his crutch and places it up against the wall next to the door, before leaning forward and pulling me into his house.
I apparently don’t put up much of a fight because before I know it, I’m pinned against his front door back into the familiar position from the elevator.
“Nolan, you need rest.”
He takes his time, slowly dragging his eyes from my face to my chest, which isn’t visibly showing in my crew neck t-shirt.
“I’ll rest when I’m dead.” He leans into my neck and traces my jawline with his nose and it gives my entire body chills.
“You’re stubborn.” He laughs as he shakes his head at me.
“Correction, I’ll rest after I make you come for me, Firefly.” Nolan kisses the sensitive part of my neck and something that sounds like lust escapes my throat, which makes him suck on my neck instead.
“Fuck, please just come to bed with me, Dakota. I’ve had the worst day and the only thing that could possibly make it better is hearing my name on your lips again.” Nolan slips his hand back under my skirt and I can’t keep the burning desire of need contained long enough to escape his hold, his deliciously captivating hold. My knees buckle and as I let his touch linger on my skin in such an innocent yet unholy way.
“Mm-hmm,” is all I can manage to say and in one swift movement, he pulls me off the door and leads me into his room.
I’m a ball of so many kinds of nerves right now as we’re hand in hand, walking down the hallway to his room. Emotions flood my mind when I remember how caring and understanding he was the last time I was in his bed, how he cradled me in his arms and allowed me to feel his comfort when I needed it most. How he didn’t ask for anything in return. It just amplifies the already confusing battle of what I want versus what I need in my head.
I hear the door click shut and I turn to look at him.
“On the pillow, baby.” He walks over the window, limping a little as he attempts to walk on his cast to close the blinds, the bright sun shining directly on his bed, but it darkens the moment they close and I lay down on my back, positioning my head on the pillow.
“No, Dakota.” He walks back and leans on the bed. “I want this here.” He gently pulls the pillow out from under my head and puts it under my ass.
“Sorry,” I enunciate each syllable, “It’s not like I can read your mind, you know.”
Nolan bites his lower lip as he makes a low guttural sound as I wiggle on the pillow, feeling off balance.
“You really like to use that mouth of yours, don’t you, Firefly?” He reaches over into his nightstand and pulls something out.
Black.
Silk.
The blindfold.
“Dakota, there are a few things I want to try with you. I need your permission, though. Do you trust me?”
I watch as his chest rises and falls, his eye contact is strong as he watches me for any apparent sign that this isn’t okay. But it is. It’s all okay, anything with him.
He makes me feel safe and wanted.
“Of course, I trust you, old man.” I try to foster some sort of humor to go along with my approval, but I fail miserably knowing that he can read that my walls are down entirely, and my witty demeanor has been shadowed as this man creates so much need in me, it’s embarrassing.
“There’s one thing I need a clearer answer for.” He leans down on the bed, his hurt ankle hanging off the edge as he hovers over my body.
“I really want to fuck you,” his whispered tone is heavy next to my cheek as I fully welcome the intense assault of nerves clenching in my core, "but I need to know if you want me to use a condom or not. I know you’re clean, and I got tested after I got cheated on too. You’ve got nothing to worry about with me, I just need to know what you want me to do.” Nolan leans in a little closer to me, his fists on either side of my shoulders, gripping the sheets like he’s hanging on for his life while waiting for my honest answer.
His words send sparks prickling over all of the sensitive parts of my body. I can’t help but squirm a little under his warmth, his body irresistibly close to mine. So much so, that I feel just how hard he is for me.
And despite feeling a certain kind of security with Nolan, part of me is also somewhat scared.
It’s in the deepest part of my heart that will probably never fully heal from the effort I wasted on loving someone who never loved me back. It’s a hole that screams to be filled, deserves to be whole again. I can’t avoid the cries of pain I feel.
But I can’t avoid the stronger feeling of need and power that I feel right now.
The date we shared on the hot air balloon was the most thoughtful and incredible thing anyone has ever done for me. And every time we’re together, he’s always looking out for me. Not to mention the way I feel around him. I just can’t ignore those things.