Page 96 of Rise & Fall
“I called a friend over to come talk about my dilemma of my emotional thought process because sometimes things between girlfriends can be talked through and, you know, girls just understand each other and—”
“Spit it out, baby.” Nolan shifts in his position, pulling himself off my Jeep and straightening his spine.
“This friend of mine, who also happens to be a coworker, tried to sympathize with me a little by telling me about a guy that she was seeing, or is trying to see or whatever. And how they went on a date, and he paid for her, and she has feelings for him, but she isn’t sure it’s going to work out and basically just telling me to not give up.” I suck in a lungful of air, needing desperately to slow down my words because I can tell that Nolan is struggling to keep up.
“What does this have to do with me or us?” he asks, trying again to reach for me but I know that the moment his skin touches mine, my mind will be clouded with the overwhelming feeling of love.
“Well, the guy that she was talking about…is you.” I let the words fall out of my mouth like a cement truck. Slow and steady.
The look on his face does nothing to help me decipher what is really going on between them, almost as if he thinks I’m baiting him and that my story is a false narrative to catch him some kind of weird lie I’ve made up.
But I’d never do that at the expense of everything we’ve felt, all that we’ve done together.
“Is that a joke?” he questions, giving me a very stern but stoic look, trying to read me like one of my romance books. This isn’t a storyline I want to tell, trust me. But I need to filter through the details so that I can move on and focus on us. If that’s even what he wants.
“My friend, my coworker, is Jessica.YourJessica.”
“Wait, you’re friends with my ex?” He steps back, falling back into his lean against my Jeep, his tone is raised but not out of anger, out of confusion.
“Well, technically we weren’t friends before that night. I called her on a whim because I desperately wanted to talk to someone—”
“You talked to Jessica about us?” Now he seems a little angry, but for what?
He can’t fault me for wanting to confide in someone about what I’d been feeling, besides, if it were Sterling, it’d be okay. It’s not my fault I didn’t know that Barbie and Jessica were actually the same person this whole time and it’s not her fault either really. It’s no one’s fault. But this is why I need this cleared up asap.
“Well, I’m glad that’s all you pulled from what I just said to you.” I feel defeated as I cross my arms against my chest, feeling more and more raindrops hit the top of my head.
“God, Dakota. I don’t like Jessica. Why would you even consider that?” He scrubs one of his hands down his face, an obvious gesture to showcase his disappointment in me.
“Nolan, she said you paid for her. Said she’s been seeing you, said she was going to keep seeing you. I didn’t know who she was until I found out her real name.” He gives me a very strong perplexed look. “I’ll explain that later. But after everything we’ve been through together—you’ve given me some of the best nights of my life in just a matter of weeks—and after the heartbreak I had to experience, you can’t fault me for being cautious when I find out news like that.”
“No, you’re right, but there’s not much news to what she told you, Dakota.”
“How so?”
“Well, for starters, yeah, I did pay for the whole dinner.AfterI asked the waitress to box mine up to go, because I didn’t want to sit there much longer. And part of that dinner contained take-home for Aria.” Unease settles in my stomach when he starts to explain himself, unraveling what I already knew…I overthought a situation that seemed more harmful than it really was. So I try to relax my vigorously pounding heart and listen to him continue to speak.
“She told you she’s been seeing me, which isn’t all that untrue. But I’m not interested, at all. She’s been making passes at me since our divorce because the divorce was my decision. She wanted me to stay.” He steps closer into my space, the rain a steady pitter patter against the roofs of cars around us and my heartbeat finally slows down to the same rhythm as the rain.
“I don’t want her; I only want you. And I’d never do anything to jeopardize that.” He reaches for me, and this time I let him make contact, grabbing me by my wrist and pulling me into his warm body. “And if I didn’t make that clear before, I’m going to now.”
He lifts my chin up to look at him, he can probably feel the quiver of my lips as I let the chill from the rain affect me.
“Dakota, you are the most real thing I’ve ever felt. I would hope that you’d feel it too, and that you wouldn’t let my ex get in the way of that.”
“But Jessica didn’t know who I was when she told me all of that. She still doesn’t know who I am, Nol. Why would she want to make it seem like you were both casually dating and that it was more than a co-parenting conversation.”
“Honestly, I don’t know why she does anything she does. I know that she told me she was planning on leaving the state. I know that she had an epiphany, whether it’s genuine or not, I don’t know. And I know that you wouldn’t truly understand that right now because you don’t know her like I do, she was manipulative in our marriage, and also gaslit me into thinking that I never did enough for her and that’s why she was never home. And maybe she felt like she genuinely wanted to make a friend out of you and felt that she had to impress you or have some sort of advice-worthy story to tell in order for you to like her. But I know more than anything that she means nothing to me more than the fact that she’s my daughter’s mother and that’s why I put up with her. You are who I want in my life. You are who has my heart.” Nolan lets go of my chin and caresses my cheek with his palm.
My shiver from the cold droplets surrounding us takes over my whole body, when we both look down and realize I’m dressed in the skimpy short-shorts and t-shirt that Steve says is good for business. And he’s right, but right now it’s not doing me any good.
“Come to my truck with me,” Nolan offers as he starts to walk past me, taking me with him as he guides me with his hand.
But I stop us in our tracks, pulling out my phone from my back pocket to see the time.
“Nolan, I have to get back to work. My break is almost over,” I tell him, feeling dissatisfaction at the fact that I can’t follow him to his truck.
“No, screw that. We need to finish this conversation tonight. I’ll help you find a new job,” he deadpans, but he also looks very sure of the fact that he doesn’t want me to go back to work right now.