Page 35 of A Fighting Chance
“Made him some formula, but he didn’t want it. He did eat some of my sandwich, though. Next time, I’ll get Mike or Tayler to season the formula.”
She laughed. “That’ll work.”
“So, are we good to go?” He held Theo up in front of his face and took his voice several octaves higher. “Can Ipeasgo for a walk on thebeashwith ‘Jo,’ Mama? With any luck, I’ll fall asleep before we hit the sand, and I’ll sleep all night without waking you up once because Jo is a miracle worker.”
“Only luck could do something like that,” she said. “And yes, you may.”
“Thanks, Ayesha.” He planted a quick peck on her cheek and headed downstairs, regaling Theo with a story he swore “really happened” about a house he used to own down the street from Jupiter’s Red Dot.
Ayesha watched them, smiling, but the smile faded when she thought about one of her biggest regrets—that Curtis never got the chance to know that he was going to be a father for the second time.
Josiah, who’d had Curtis in his life for several years, had questions after his death, so she knew Theo would show up with the hard hitters as he grew older. What she’d tell him, she didn’t know. What she did know was that Curtis would have spilled over with love for his baby boy, the same way he’d gushed over Josiah.
“Psst, Eesh.”
She turned around to find Larke waving at her and hurried down the hallway.
“What’s the verdict?”
Larke didn’t have to answer. The pure elation on Sydney’s face in the bathroom doorway provided a response.
“Negative,” Sydney held up one test, then the other, “and negative.” Sydney, her expression unreadable, stared at one of the tests. “I might not be pregnant, but this whole situation tells me that I need to be upfront with Joel about us.”
“Which ‘us’ do you mean?” Larke asked. “You and him, or you and Kofi? I would advise against you telling him about Kofi until you take some time to figure out how you’ll break the news.”
Ayesha sent her a covert nod. Both she and Larke had seen Joel at his lowest. News about Sydney seeing someone, and that relationship being so involved that she thought she could have been on the road to parenthood with that person, needed to be handled carefully.
Perhaps professionally.
“I won’t tell him about this incident or Kofi,” Sydney clarified, “but we can’t keep acting like we’re still together. The problem is, the more we do, the less it hurts. When we’re faking it, I don’t remember that it’s not real.”
“You’re trying to stave off the pain of not being together,” Ayesha explained. “You two have been together since you were kids, so ending that, for good, won’t be easy on either of you. But unless you’re trying to get back together, it’ll have to end at some point.”
Sydney left the bathroom doorway and flopped down on the guest room bed. “I know, but I still love him, Ayesha.”
Something Ayesha couldn’t immediately place meandered through her, tickling her nervous system as gently as Joel had tickled Theo’s belly, but she mentally brushed it away. Sydney looked ready to get something off her chest; she needed to be present and all ears.
“So, confession,” Sydney began. “Our disagreement over children isn’t the only reason me and Joel split up. There were other things. Other things I’ll tell you guys another time. But, recently, I asked myself, what if he did what I asked? That’s why I served the divorce papers—to try to force his hand. Joel’s always done whatever I asked because he loves me and because that’s the kind of guy he is. I thought I could make this happen too, but then I realized it might not only be about us compromising. It’s like…I want him to do what I want, but the only way we’ll have a successful relationship is if he’s selfless and I’m selfish.”
Larke took a seat on Sydney’s right.
Ayesha took the left.
Sydney continued. “Dating Kofi made me realize that there are things about myself I would have never discovered with Joel. Then there’s the fact that Joel, amazing as he is, sees me a certain way, and I hide parts of myself not to muddy that image. He thinks I’m perfect, but I haven’t been fair to him for over ninety percent of our relationship. I was the girl Joel thought he could never get. Now that he’s grown andsexyand confident, I still expect him to chase me like the girl he could never get. If he doesn’t, I, for lack of a better word, pout.”
Ayesha wrapped an arm around her shoulders. “That what you just did? My job would be a lot easier if the majority of my clients could do that. It’s hard for us to admit to our shortcomings, but over time, it’s empowering.”
“Here’s the caveat, though. I find myself pulling away from Kofi whenever he does whatever I ask.”
“You want to be challenged.”
“I think so.”
“But not by Joel.”
Sydney took a moment to answer, her lips pressed together. “I don’t think me and Joel work unless we’re living in the past or having incredible sex. Like…incredible. Shit’s insane. I mean, Kofi’s not lacking, but Joel’s got a mon—”
Ayesha held up a hand. “The Sydney Express has derailed.”