Page 28 of The Surrogate Nanny
“I don’t blame you. Take all the time you need.”
“Wait here. I’ll be right back.” With that, she was gone, leaving behind the sugary scent of her body wash or lotion and a snapshot of her ass that jiggled in her night shorts, reminding me that I’d been celibate for over three years. She returned minutes later with a large binder cradled against her chest. “Here. This is for you.”
I was surprised when she handed me the pink photo album that clearly belonged to Nori.
“I...I can keep this?” I asked, accepting the album.
“Hell no!” she snapped, jerking the album back. I smiled.
“Fine. I’ll have to create my own.”
“Yeah...you do that,” she agreed, slowly handing it back over.
“Relax. I’m sure you can outrun me,” I joked, flipping open the book. Simone sat beside me. This time, she was a little closer so that she could narrate Nori’s milestones. “Before we begin, where did the name Nori come from?”
“I wanted to name her Nora but figured it was overdone.”
“So, you name her after seaweed instead?”
Simone rolled her eyes with a smile. “I didn’t think about it at the time. I kinda panicked as I tried to wrap my head around the fact that I was bringing a newborn home.”
“It’s fine. It’s still a beautiful name for a beautiful young lady,” I reassured her. My breath caught when I flipped to the first page where Nori’s hospital birth certificate and bracelet lay beneath the plastic sheet. I ran my fingers over them. “Six pounds even?”
“Yeah. She was a tiny little thing. You wouldn’t know it from looking at her now, but she was.”
“She does enjoy eating,” I laughed, flipping the page. My tears threatened to return with a vengeance when I observed the pictures from her first day of life. She was swaddled in a blanket, resting peacefully with her lips pursed and a pink hat on her head.
“I almost didn’t get this picture,” she murmured.
“Why not?”
“I didn’t want to get too close to her at the time because I knew she wasn’t mine. I kept my distance as long as I could before my guilty conscience started eating me alive. I thought how tragic it would be if she grew up and wondered why there weren’t any baby pictures of her. I didn’t want Nori to think someone didn’t love her enough to catch the precious moment. Despite my reservations, I went to the nursery and snapped several photos of her. The next thing you know, I fell down the rabbit hole. I couldn’t stay away. I went from not wanting to look at her to skin-to-skin time and breastfeeding. My discharge day was approaching, and even though I was ill-prepared to be a mother, a part of me prayed that you wouldn’t show up.”
“What do you know? Your prayers were answered.”
“Until a year later,” she reminded me, flipping to the next page of Nori finally at home in Simone’s bed wearing a pink onesie with white polka dots, pink mittens to keep her from scratching her face, and a pink cap.
“She had a very nice nursery,” I complimented as I turned the pages.
“Thank you. I spent an entire week hustling, trying to put it together for her. Most of the clothing and furniture were actually donated by some of the nurses at the hospital. They were all sweet, except for that red-headed lady, but that’s neither here nor there.”
I spent the next hour and a half greedily devouring every piece of memory Simone afforded me. Her commentary gave me life, and I thought I would die from laughter at the appalled look on Nori’s face when she bit into a dill pickle. Her cheeks were sucked in, and her lips were puckered from the sudden shock from the sourness. My favorite photo was of Nori sitting on plastic sheeting in the kitchen on her first birthday. She wore a glittery pink party hat as she smashed her mini birthday cake with her hands. Her smile through the photo was infectious, and my heart filled with love for my daughter and admiration for the women who sacrificed so much to give her to me.
Two mothers...two sacrifices.
“Thank you, Simone.”
“No problem. You can look at it whenever you want.”
“No, well, yes. Thank you for the photo album, but mostly for caring for our daughter. I owe you a tremendous debt and my deepest apologies for what I did to you. Nothing about it was right, and if she could, my wife would come back from the grave and scold me. I’d like to have a clean slate with you, but I’m in no position to ask it.”
She troubled her bottom lip with her teeth and indecision blanketed her face.
I won’t take it personally if she never forgives me, but a man can dream, right?
“I’d…I’d like a clean slate. It’s no excuse, but you’ve been through a lot that may have deeply clouded your judgement and from what I understand, you planned on returning Nori to me; however, in order for us to have a clean slate, I think there is something you should know,” she whispered softly.
My leg throbbed as I worried about Simone’s revelation.