Page 122 of Tutored in Love

“So what about Jamie?”

He’s confused. “Jamie?”

I shrug.

“We never...” He clears his throat. “Just friends.”

Containing my sigh of relief is a feat of strength I’ll always be proud of, though I have to bite my lips together to keep it in.

The waitress returns to relieve our awkwardness. I look down at my menu again, my hands white-knuckled as they rest against the table. A little bubble of hope squirms its way through some hitherto unknown breach in the prison I built for it. Between that and the warring butterflies and snakes, nothing on the menu is very appealing. I hear Noah order, listening more to the rumble of his deep voice than the words, and decide on a random salad because it’s cheap and I’m probably going to waste it.

Now I don’t even have the menu to hide behind. I take a sip of water.

“Grace?”

My name on his lips. Oh, the way he says my name.

“Can we start over?”

I close my eyes and squeak out a “Please.”

“I had a long talk with Ryan.”

Our eyes connect.

“He told me about your breakup, said I should ask you out.” He huffs and examines the paper napkin he’s mangling with his hands. “I told him there couldn’t be anything between us. Too many hard feelings, too many misunderstandings. Too much history.”

Maybe I don’t like openness. I start to shove that little hope bubble back into its cell, but he keeps talking.

“He said I needed a fresh start.”

“I hate setups.” How did I end up here? Again? I clasp my hands together on the table, dig a hidden fingernail into my palm.

“I’m sorry,” he says.

“Not your fault. Claire insisted she had one more shot since I’m the one who messed up her first time.”

“You didn’t mess up.”

“Ha.” I roll my eyes. “You know I did.”

He concedes with a shrug. “I wasn’t ready for you anyway.”

“You? Weren’t?”

He shakes his head. “I had a lot to figure out. And you helped me.”

“I did? But I was—”

“Struggling. Stubborn.” He half-smiles, his eyebrows worrying his forehead. “Hurt. And later, when I could finally see it, forgiving and kind and open. But even the first time I saw you—”

I grimace. I’d been blowing raspberries on Ava’s belly on the floor. Not my best angle.

His smile widens as if he read my thoughts. “I watched you, playing with Ava. When you smiled at me, I was a goner.”

“Huh?”

“Did you ever wonder why I was so bothered by that night?”