Page 53 of Go the Long Way

Jakob glanced over in surprise, just barely catching the almost innocent look of child-like eagerness that crossed Alex's face — before it was quickly shuttered by one of feigned disinterest.

"Sure," Jakob said, carrying over the paring knife and cutting board he had liberated from their drawers; setting them down on the table next to Alex, along with the tomatoes.

"Just… sliced?" Alex asked, unsure.

"Yeah, that'll do fine. Thanks," Jakob told him, watching as a trace of…somethingpassed through Alex's eyes before he ducked his head, attention focused on his task.

"S'ok if they are your style, you know," Jakob told him, picking up the thread of their skirt conversation.

"The clothes, I mean," Jakob explained at Alex's questioning look. "S'ok if they aren't, too. I — Alex, I know this is easier said than done, and… You've had a — a tough go of it, sure. But… I want you to feel safe here. Like you can be… yourself.Whateverform that takes. D’ya understand what I’m saying?"

Alex just glared back at him mulishly.

Jakob sighed.

"When I was a kid… well, Frank offered me that same kind of safe harbor. Offered it to Ethan too, soon as he could. But — I didn't know, didn't understand just how much…" Jakob gestured vaguely with the can in his hand, not quite knowing how to put it all into words. "I got — got scared, I guess. Made some bad choicesbecauseI was scared. Hurt Ethan for a long time. Hurt myself too, though I didn't realize it. Don't want that for you. For you to feel like you have to — to hide from yourself like I did."

"Fuck off, you're not myDad," Alex spat, his shoulders hunched as he sliced roughly enough at the tomatoes Jakob worried for a moment he might cut himself.

"No, I'm not," Jakob agreed, cautiously. "Not trying to be. Seems like he’s something you could use less of in your life right now. But what I can be is… a friend, I guess. If you want. One who can maybe actually understand some of the stuff you're going through. Can't ever have too many of those, right?"

Jakob didn't know you could slice fruit sullenly, but Alex managed it all the same.

"Not trying to tell you what to do," Jakob said to the unsteady thunk of a knife, adding a bit more ancho chili powder to the taco mix. "Just… offering some experience from someone who already went the long way about things. Because, whatever it is? I promise — it's okay."

The sound of tomatoes being sliced to within an inch of their tiny, juicy lives was his only answer.

"But… If you don't want to tell me, that's okay too," Jakob added; turning back to open the can of red beans, rinsing them in the strainer before adding them to the sizzling meat with a splash of water from the faucet. "Can understand it. Just want you to feel like you've gotsomeoneyou can go to about whatever's bothering you, though. Ask whatever questions you need asking — not that you're required to or anything. And if that's not me, or even Ethan… Just promise me you'll… That you won't lie to yourself about it, alright? Whateveritis. And that if youdofind someone you trust to talk about it with? That you — you try."

"…Anyquestion, huh?" Alex asked, watching Jakob with a calculating gleam in his eye.

"I mean, let's not gettoopointed. Not sure I'm up to telling any 'Dear Penthouse' stories," Jakob said as his ears went hot; realizing just how big a door he had left open, and exactly what kind of questionshe'dhad as a teenager. But…

But Jakob had landed himself in a lot of trouble before he had found his own answers. Was still finding the answers, in some cases. If he could save, say, Cassie that sort of grief? A little embarrassment on his part was an easy price to pay. And too, there was something about Alex Jakob recognized all too well; something in the defensive hunch of his shoulders, that scowl —

Like he'd said, Jakob sure wasn't about to try and impose himself as some sort of replacement father figure; get himself all tangled up in whatever complicated associations Alex seemed to have going on there. And yet — he was here, under Jakob's roof and eating at his table. Alex might not realize it, but he was already one of Jakob's kids.

At least, as much as he cared to be.

"But… yeah, same as I've told Cassie; I'll speak up if it's something I'm not comfortable answering," Jakob continued, stirring in more cumin before turning off the heat to let it bubble away on its own. "But you should always have someone that you trust enough to at least ask."

"Fine," Alex said in a tone of voice that had Jakob instinctively bracing for any bombshell the kid was about to launch. "You and Ethan… You dating?"

Well… almost any, apparently, as Jakob's mind went blank atthatquestion.

Gosh. Were they?

"Maybe?" Jakob hedged, amusement swirling at the sight of Alex's startled face at the honest answer he had obviously not expected to actually get. "I'd wager we're a solid 'It's complicated', but we'd only just sat down to order when you called him. Not sure if that counts as an actual date or anything."

"Oh. Oh,shit —" Alex sputtered, his eyes going wide. "I'm — "

Jakob merely waved him off, before realizing he had been holding the spatula and nearly flicked taco meat onto the fridge. "Don't apologize. Don'teverapologize for asking for help when you need it. We'll find another time for a cup of coffee. He and I have some ground to make up but… It's waited this long, it can survive a bit longer."

"It's just… I mean,how…" Alex trailed off, hesitance clear in his voice.

"Hmm?" Jakob prompted when the silence had stretched too far. He turned around to face Alex then, making sure to keep his body language open and friendly as he wiped his hands clean on a towel. Waiting.

"You — You're bothguys," the kid finally exploded in a rush, scowling then as if upset as himself for asking.