Page 1 of Midnight Sanctuary
1
ALYSSA
It takes me a long time before I realize that I’m still alive.
It’s easy to forget a thing like that in a place like this, wherever “this” is. It’s mostly dark, mostly cool, mostly damp. I stare at the ceiling and sink into the lumpy mattress beneath me and let my brain go completely numb. There’s no difference between eyes open and eyes closed. It’s all just a blur of the same nothingness.
The first sound to break the silence is my stomach roiling. It jars me from my half-dead trance. It’s been a while since I ate anything. Hours, maybe, although I couldn’t tell you for the life of me how long “an hour” is anymore.
The second sound to break the silence is a sob from the corner. Then, like someone turned on a faucet in my head, all the memories come rushing back.
The broken shards of mirror on the ground.
Rough hands grabbing me, pulling me, twisting me, hurting me.
The sharp tang of chloroform pressed to my nose as I thrashed and thrashed until thrashing didn’t help me anymore.
Polly is the one who’s sobbing.
“Hey,” I croak, as calmly as I can, although my voice hurts from disuse and the lingering sting of the chloroform. “Are you okay?”
“I have a bad feeling, Alyssa,” she says, her voice chock full of panic. “I have such a bad feeling… It’s like something is sitting on my chest. I-I can’t breathe. I can’t breathe.”
I shove myself up on my elbows. “Pol,” I say sharply, “I need you to close your eyes for me. You might be having a panic attack. I’m gonna talk you through it but I need you to trust me. And I need you to listen to me. Can you do that?”
I’ve had my fair share of panic attacks. When Ziva was diagnosed—panic.When Ziva was buried—panic.The day we were both supposed to turn eighteen, the first time in my life I ever had a birthday party to myself…my God,the panic.
It wasn’tourbirthday anymore.
It was just mine.
“Are you closing your eyes?”
“Mhmm.”
“Think of open skies and green grass and acres and acres of space.” As I talk, I close my eyes, too, and try to picture the same. “Imagine birds flying through the skies and leaves rustling in the wind. Imagine the smell of freshly-cut grass and blooming flowers.”
“I-I can’t…”
“Shhh,” I say gently. “Keep your eyes closed. Take a deep breath.”
While I counsel her, I look around, trying to notice something, anything, that might help us get out of here. From what I can see as my eyes adjust to the gloom, there are windows, but they’ve been boarded shut. It’s hard to see everything, though, because my wrists have been cuffed to the rusted metal bedframe and that frame itself has been bolted to the floor. It looks like Polina is locked in the same setup. Wriggling does nothing—the metal holds tight.
“A-Alyssa?”
“Sorry,” I murmur. “Just keep breathing, Polly. Deep, steady breaths. You can do this. I’m here.”
I’m not sure if she’s buying my confidence. Honestly, I’m having a hard time buying it myself. But blind hope is all we’ve got at this point. From a totally objective perspective, I’d say it looks like we’re well and truly fucked.
It’s ironic how situational perception can be. I’d give anything to be back in Uri’s basement again, as long it meant I was far from this absolute shithole.
“How’re you feeling now? Is it easier to breathe?”
“A little.” Polly’s voice is still drenched with fear but at least she sounds a bit calmer. “But I’m still scared…”
“Polly, listen to me. They’ve kept us alive for a reason.”
“What if the reason is worse than keeping us alive?”