Page 51 of Teach Me To Sin
My speech was supposed to start five minutes ago, so all eyes turn to me as soon as I walk in. Victor frowns, instantly aware that something’s wrong, but there’s nothing he can do about it now. An uncomfortably warm light shines in my face as I step up to the black podium. It looks sleek from far away, but up close I can see the scratches and drips of dried paint that give away the fact that the three of us built it ourselves in Ethan and Victor’s backyard before the very first fundraiser banquet.
The microphone makes a clunking sound through the speakers at the corners of the room when I adjust it. It wouldn’t do to let my cards get out of order, so I arrange them in a careful row on the lectern while everyone watches. When I look up, the light blinds me for a second before my eyes start to adjust. Sweat is already trickling down my back. But if there’s one thing Clint Simmons’ swim team was trained to do, it was to smile in front of the crowds, no matter what. I reach deep inside myself and find the perfect face I had to put on when we did a TV interview after a night of too much alcohol and too many drugs, with Victor shaking next to me because he had too many nightmares to let him sleep.
“Good evening, everyone. My partner Victor and I are so grateful to see all of your faces again. The Lang Aquatic Center has enjoyed an incredible year full of life-changing stories, and I can’t wait to share them with you. After that, I’ll outline our plan for the upcoming year.”
I don’t let my mind stray past the words on the cards, only glancing up when my gut tells me I need more eye contact. It’s going well this time, maybe even better than the years when I wasn’t falling apart. Everyone smiles andawws at the brave, talented kids we’ve had the privilege of helping. The energy in the room is good. When I glance at Victor, he offers two thumbs down, then flips them up at the last second. He’s trying to make me smile, but I don’t have it in me.
“In a few months, we’re hoping to expand our staff and offer a full after school program. Ultimately, we want to buy the building next door and double the size of our facilities. Thanks to your generosity, we can continue to transform from two boys with a pool into a thriving organization that serves the greater Seattle area. Do we have any questions?”
A woman in a black gown lifts her hand. She’s one of our main donors every year. “Yes, Mrs. Carmichael?”
“Is that whole business with the coaching still in your plans? I know you had some pushback in the media.”
I should be worried about how to word my response, but I’m completely hung up on the realization that I no longer know the answer to her question. I was ready to take on the world for Benji. Now there’s nothing left where he existed but a smoking crater.
I’ve been quiet way too long, and now I have to go off-card. “Well, we’ve had a bit of turnover in the…in the program. We’re going to assess…” Behind the tables, out the wall of windows facing the swim center, a flicker of light catches my eye in the dark. When I blink, it disappears. I need to finish this fucking speech before I pass out. “My apologies. We’re going to assess the viability of the program and how best to recruit participants while being mindful of the… concerns…”
Trailing off into silence, I squint out the window. My brain puts the view together one piece at a time, painstakingly slowly, until my awareness clarifies into an orange glow that has no source, that shouldn’t be there, casting brightness and shadow along the brick wall. Then I catch the sharp, clear movement of flames through one of the big windows overlooking Pool Three.
Did Benji set my pool on fire?The idea seems so funny that I almost laugh. A few people in the room have turned to look over their shoulders, searching for what I’m staring at.
But I know him, the scared, foolish boy. Even when I don’t know him at all. No matter how much he lied, he’d never do this to me.
So everything’s fine. He didn’t set my pool on fire. Nothing to worry about.Then someone shrieks, and I’m ripped out of my daze. I should be taking the phone out of my pocket and dialing 911. Instead, I take off running, shoving through the crowd, almost falling down the stairs as someone yells my name.
I can already hear sirens in the far distance by the time I stumble across the dark, puddle-strewn street. The fire is strangely silent. If you closed your eyes, you’d think it was any other peaceful summer night–except for the smell of smoke growing stronger until it overwhelms the sweetness of wet grass.
The sirens are getting louder, and I can hear all kinds of yelling behind me. A hundred yards from the back door of the swim center, a body slams into my back and strong, wiry arms wrap around my chest, taking both of us to our knees in the street. My suit pants must be fucked. Before I can even recover from the pain, I start struggling to get free.
“The fuck is wrong with you?” Victor yells into my ear, struggling to hold onto me. “I won’t let you die trying to save some paperwork.”
He curses in surprise when I fight him for real, trying to throw him off as we wrestle on the ground in our best suits. A moment later, Tate jumps in and rips us apart, pinning me to his powerful chest. Even though I can’t break his hold, I keep thrashing as Victor tries to grab my arms. “You don’t understand,” I hear myself yelling until my voice shreds. “Benji’s in there. I need to get Benji.” I’m vaguely aware that I’ve lost my mind, but that awareness is diminishing into the orange-streaked black that’s replacing my vision. I’m going to hurt my friends because I can’t stop lashing out with my full strength.
“You don’t know that,” Victor shouts. His voice changes, like he’s talking to Tate instead of me, with an edge of hysteria that I’ve never heard before. “He can’t know that, right? No one’s in there. If they were, they ran away when the fire started.”
The sirens are so loud now that it’s hard to talk over them, and I can see red and white light flashing over all the buildings.
Tate shakes me roughly. “Stop it. We’ll tell the firemen to look for him, but you need to–Shit.”
I get away, stumbling and sprinting as fast as I can, but right when my hand reaches for the back door Tate tackles me for real and slams me face-down on the ground with a strength I can’t fight.
Colson
I’m so focused on making sure the GPS isn’t getting me lost in a maze of shadowy, faceless brick buildings that I don’t notice the emergency lights until they flicker over the dashboard of my car. They’re coming from one street over, right where the navigation–
“Jesus Christ.” I slam on my brakes at the end of the road. It’s packed with fire trucks and people running everywhere. The orange flames and thick haze of smoke hanging in the air can’t be rising from the swim center. But the longer I stare, the more I realize that’s exactly what’s happening. Between the sight and Benji’s foreboding text, I feel like I’ve fallen into some kind of doomsday nightmare world.
Jerking my car to the side so I don’t block any emergency vehicles, I abandon it and jog down the street. The smoke is already stinging my eyes and making my throat itch. The firemen must have only just arrived, because they’re still unspooling hoses and working on the nearest fire hydrant.
I try not to get in the way, but nothing in the world could stop me from looking for Alek. A crowd of people in evening wear has gathered across the street, in front of a venue with party lights sparkling from the second floor. A quick check shows that Tate, Victor, and Alek aren’t among them.
Circling the group and moving closer to the burning building, I spot another small gathering of figures on the ground near the sidewalk. I recognize Victor’s distinctive curly blond undercut, and I vaguely remember another employee with broad shoulders and dark hair, but I don’t see the one man I’m looking for. I break into a run, and the brawny guy looks up at me in bewilderment, blinking like I’m a hallucination. “What the hell are you doing here?”
With a wave of relief, I spot Alek on the ground with Victor on top of him, half pinning him down and half clinging to him. At the bigger man’s words, Alek lifts his head. His handsome face is streaked with dirt, and his eyes are frantic. When he sees me, he starts struggling and trying to yell something I can’t understand because he’s lost his voice. All I can make out isplease.
Victor moves out of the way when I slide my arms under Alek and lift him against my chest. Even though he recognizes me, he won’t stop fighting. “What is it?” I grab his chin and force his face toward mine so I can understand.
“Benji’s in there,” he croaks. “It’s been twenty minutes since he went in and the firemen are too slow. They haven’t even started. And I said so many terrible things.” He breaks down into dry sobs, sagging against me.