Page 35 of Sinful Addiction
“Home, Lacey.You’re my home.I’ve fucking fallen for you, pet.That wasn’t just any sex for me.I’ve never done that with anyone before.Ever.You have dug yourself so deep I don’t know who I am anymore.”Tears fall.“Please don’t cry.”I tenderly wipe them away.
“How do I know this isn’t going to blow up in our faces?I won’t survive having my heart broken, Antonio.”
“You don’t.All I can give you is me.Right here.Right now.At this moment.We have to trust everything will be ok from here on out.”I wish I could give her more certainty, but my past won’t permit it.
“Stay here while I get you a washcloth.”With a soft kiss and a final swipe of her tears, I leave the room.
“Antonio.”I make it almost through the bedroom door when her shy voice stops me.“I've fallen for you, too.”
“I know, beautiful.I know.”
Once I’ve tended to Lacey, I leave her in bed so I can make us some coffee.As I walk to the kitchen, my memories close in on me.
“Antonio, where the hell is my coffee you little prick?I asked you to do one thing and you can’t do that right.You’re a disgrace to the family.”
I know better than to talk back to Dad, but there is no way I can make him his coffee.I’m only six and can’t reach the counter.I have never made his coffee for him before.It’s usually my older brother who makes it for him.He knows how to keep Dad happy.
I don’t argue.I get a chair to fill the coffee pot.While it's heating, I find Dad’s favorite mug, then add a spoonful of sugar and some creamer.I’ve seen my brother use these ingredients before, so I hope I’m making it how he likes it.
When the coffee potis ready, I carefully fill the mug with rich liquid, being extra careful not to burn myself.
I learnt in school one day that if steam touches your skin, it can be worse than scalding hot water.I don’t want to find out what either feels like.
I bring the mug to the edge of the counter then jump off the chair so I have a better chance to reach it.I take the piping hot mug to Dad.Once he has it, I cross my fingers behind my back.
One sip is all it takes before my skin is burning and I’m screaming in pain.
“You little bastard.You made it wrong.Make me another one and do it right this time, will you.I don’t like wasting my good coffee on hopeless children like you.”
His words cut through me, but not as bad as the burning pain on my skin.
He threw his very hot drink at me because I made it too sweet.
“My arm hurts,” I cry in front of him, but he sits in his chair ignoring me.
“What the hell have you done this time, shithead?”my brother yells at me.
“I made Dad his coffee.I put one spoonful of sugar in, and he threw it at me.I have to make another, but my arm hurts so bad.”My face is covered in tears now and I’m shaking.The pain is so bad my skin is turning different colors.
“One teaspoon.Not a normal spoon.”My brother comes back from the kitchen holding the big spoon I had used.
He throws that at me, and it gets me in the side of my face, close to my eye.
I run to my room crying, not sure what to do with my arm.I try to remember the rules we had to follow from Mrs.O’Neal, but I can’t think straight.
“Tony?”A quiet hush comes from my bedroom doorway.“Are you hurt, again?”My sister is the only one in this stupid family that isn’t mean to me.We look out for each other.I make sure no one ever hurts her.
“Dad threw his hot drink at me because I accidentally made it wrong.It hurts.”
“Come with me.We need to put it under cold water.”She takes my good arm and helps me up.She’s only a year younger than me and already smarter than me, too.
“Shit.”A splash of hot water scalds me while I’m daydreaming about that exact memory.
"Is everything ok in there?”Lacey’s concerned voice drifts through the kitchen.Not long after, she appears with only my shirt on.
“I’m fine.”I’ve turned into the asshole that I’m used to being.My family has always found ways of ruining my happiness.
“Here, I made you a cup of coffee.”I pass it over to her as a peace offering.“Listen, Lacey, I need to get going.I have work I need to do before dinner tonight.I’ll pick you up later.”I lean in and press my lips against hers, savoring her essence.Then hoping to erase her doubt, I add, “I’ll be here, I promise.”