Page 40 of Depraved Royals
Dani.
A man tried to assault her, and I threw him off a balcony. I hope the cunt is dead. I regret nothing, and I’d do it again for far less.
Despite her fear, she allowed me to pull her into my dark world of sensual pleasures without a backward glance. I never thought I could express my dominant urges with someone I care about, and it’s a revelation.
Now that I’ve spent some time with this family, my own looks more rotten than ever. And Fyodor has given me a glimpse of a toxic chain of dysfunction that has been ruining lives for generations.
I don’t have to be Erik.I could choose to bemyself. But who the fuckamI?
Fyodor sees the turmoil on my face and places a hand on my shoulder.
“You’re here because you’re the best chance we have of bringing this sad saga to a close, one way or another.” He nods at the house. “This is my family home, and it’s full of ghosts. You were right when you said we were all Pushkins once. You’re not my blood, but you’re not Erik’s either.”
I look at the Pushkin mansion, trying to imagine Erik and Fyodor as boys. I feel a surge of empathy for them both.
They were innocent children, and their parents let them down. Fyodor didn’t repeat the cycle with his own family, but Erik and Idina reveled in having the power to inflict pain rather than suffer it. A thread of common experience binds Fyodor and me in a way I could never have anticipated.
Simeon, Vera, and I are just frightened, abused little kids inside. The contrast between us and the Pushkins burns me, but I’m no longer angry. Just tired.
I watch as Fyodor walks up the steps and through the front door. He turns back in the doorway to speak to me again.
“Your choices are not easy, kid. I understand, believe me.”
“My mother always told me blood is thicker than water,” I reply. “Idina is my family. She and my siblings are all I’ve got.”
“That’s a misquote,” Fyodor says. “‘The full expression is ‘the blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb.’ It means that the bonds you choose in life are worth more than the circumstantial ones. You don’tchoosewho your relatives are, butfamily? Thatisa choice. Be wise.”
As the door closes on Fyodor Pushkin, the door in my mind slams too.
I can’t do it.
Fuck knows what will happen now, but Fyodor Pushkin will not die at my hands. My mother was wrong, and I won’t be her creature anymore.
Four calls from Idina now since last night, and I’ve ignored them all. I take out my phone and send her a message.
Situation tense and not as expected. Handling it. Stand by.
Suitably vague. Hopefully, that’ll shut her up for now. But I can’t stall forever.
* * *
Dani is in the outhouse, mixing paint. She’s wearing overalls, her hair in a scarf. When she sees me, she stops stirring, resting the piece of wood across the top of the paint can.
“Youare the fucking devil,” she says, jabbing a finger at me. “I can’t believe you made me go back into the ball downstairs and act natural!”
“You said yourself that we couldn’t just vanish for the night. Besides, I thought you liked the chocolate fountain?”
“And what the fuck, Kal?” Dani asks, ignoring my remark. “You sneaked into my room and touched my pussy while I was asleep?”
“You weren’t asleep, though, were you? And you didn’t stop me, so…” I shrug.
“That makes it okay, does it? How did you even know the door code?”
“I remembered your birthday from your passport and tried it. I was delighted to find out how predictable you are.”
Dani steps towards me, and I can’t help but move to meet her. Something about her pulls at me. She trails her fingertip into the hollow of my throat.
“Couldn’t keep away from me. Even though it was dangerous, you had to do it. Right?”