Page 67 of Depraved Royals
I think about everything Dani and I shared. We had so much to build on. She did all she could to dig out the good in me, and everything fell apart just when I started to believe I could overcome my past. I should have known better.
I drive to the ferry port and take a walk.
It was such a short time ago that Dani and I came here, but now it feels like I imagined it.
Years from now, when I’m still just as alone as I am now, I’ll remember her eyes lighting up when she said yes to my proposal. The memory will always be there of her in her studio, paint on her cheek, as she told me we were having a baby.
My mind is struggling to process the total loss I’m experiencing. I have neither the familiar comfort of my shitty old life nor the warmth and hope of a bright future.
I just exist. Without Dani, without her love to light me up, I can already feel the cold creeping back inside me, freezing my heart. Maybe it’s for the best.
I look out over the water at the boats, and the thought comes to me, ruthless as the chill wind that whips the ocean into choppy peaks.
I am the architect of my own misery.
25
Dani
As Kal disappears into the dark, my Papa falls to the ground.
“Help!” I cry. “Someone get out here, quick!”
Brutus wrenches the front door open and runs down the path with Mama behind him. For the second time this evening, we help Papa into the house.
As we pass the doorway to the lounge, I see my sister sitting on the window-ledge. I’m about to call out to her when Mama stops me.
“Leave her be,” she says, with a little shake of her head. “Mel has had enough.”
Papa’s not unconscious this time, and we get him up to his bed without much difficulty. Mama pulls up a chair beside him.
“I’m sorry I pushed you,” Papa says to Mama as she takes his hand. She rests his knuckles on her cheek.
I did that to Kal. I must have seen my parents do that before.
“It’s okay, Fyodor,” Mama whispers. “You were afraid for Dani. I know that. You never got over nearly losing Mel all those years ago.”
“What?” I ask.
Mama sighs. “When Erik Antonov came and tried to take the empire by force, he and his cronies were routed, but not before Erik tried to kill Mel. That was why your father shot him.”
“So it wasn’t about the Bratva?”
“No.” Mama rests her elbow on her knee, supporting her head in her hand. “It was about thefamily, Dani. That’s all it’s ever been about, and that’s why we wanted so much to believe in Kal.”
“Istill believe in him, Mama.”
The words are out before I can stop myself, but I don’t want to take them back.
When my Papa had his rifle pointing at the man I love, I knew there was nothing I could do to de-escalate the situation, so I made him leave. It was the only way to prevent him from being murdered there and then.
But I no longer think he’s a liar and a bastard.
He told me the truth when he told me he’s a fucked-up, wounded guy with a freak on his back. He panicked out of a genuine desire to protect me, but he went about it all wrong, and I was so ready to see him through the lens of my prejudice.
At the first whiff of trouble, I hurled myself over the line and embraced fear, paranoia, and mistrust. I believed Kal must be using me because there are no good Bratva men, no happy Bratva wives. No love or respect between married couples in our world.
Yet my Papa was brought up in an abusive, loveless home, and he chose to turn away from it. He’s an honorable man of true strength who loves my mother fiercely. He has never oppressed Mama, and Papa holds her counsel in the same high esteem as any of his advisors.