Page 121 of A Little Luck
“Now you’re just being confusing.”
We start to laugh, and Ryan exhales a little groan. “I’ve got to get to school.”
He takes off, and I kiss his mom on the lips. “See you tonight.”
Jogging to catch up to him, I tap him on the shoulder. “Hey, little man, I want to talk to you about something.”
“Like how you’re always kissing my mom now?” He rolls his eyes like he’s done with it.
A tinge of worry filters through my stomach, and I catch his arm, stopping his progress. “Do you not want me kissing your mom?”
He shrugs, wrinkling his nose and not looking entirely convinced. “I mean, I don’t know. It’s just… different.”
Standing straighter, I put my hands in my back pockets, taking a beat to think before I continue. I’d planned for this to go super smooth, without a hiccup, but Ryan is way bigger than a hiccup.
“Well, that’s kind of what I wanted to talk to you about. Your mom and I have been friends for a really long time, since we were just a little older than you are now.”
“I know.” He watches his feet scuffing the pavement as we walk, getting closer to the school.
“I love your mom. I want to ask her to marry me, but I want you to be happy about it.”
He stops, but his eyes are on the road, and he doesn’t speak. I squat down so I’m on his level, and I wish we were back near the square. I wish we could take a seat in the gazebo. I’m not sure what’s changed since then.
“Hey,” I hold his hand. “Are we still friends?”
He doesn’t move his head, but his green-hazel eyes, so much like his mom’s meet mine. “Yeah. Friends.”
My brow furrows, and I’m confused by the way he says it. “Being friends is a good thing, right?”
“I guess. I don’t know.” He starts to walk, but I hold his arm.
“Tell me what’s bothering you.” A weight is in my chest, but I ask the obvious question. “Do you not want me to marry your mom?”
His small mouth tightens, and a hint of a tremble is in his chin. “You’ll marry Mom, and it’ll all be good, right?”
“I hope so.”
“Then what happens if you have a baby like Miss Britt? What happens if it’s a boy?”
Hesitating, I think about what he’s saying. “I think that would be great.”
“Because it’ll be your real family. You’ll have a real son, not a fake one like me.”
“Whoa… is that what you think?” Shaking my head, everything in me revolts at the idea. I haven’t discussed this with Piper, but I’m not letting him think these things. “Ryan, you’ve been my little boy since the day you were born. I drove all the way to the hospital just to see you, and when you looked at me with those big, serious eyes, I knew I’d have to step it up if I was going to be the dad you needed me to be. That’s why I joined the Navy, but the whole time I was gone, your mom told me everything you did. She sent me videos of your first words, the first time you walked. When you were potty-training, she sent me pictures of your poop…”
“Ew!” His nose wrinkles, but his cheeks are pink. He’s doing his best to be a strong little man and not cry.
“I love teaching you to play baseball and skateboarding. Soon we’ll learn to surf.” Reaching out, I put my hands on his waist. “You’ll always be my son, Ryan, and well, I hope you’ll let me try and be a good dad. I’ll probably mess up sometimes, but I’ll do my best.”
His mouth turns down at the ends, but he nods. “I’ll do my best, too.”
“Come here.” I pull him into a hug. “You’re already the best, and nobody can take your place. And if we do have a new baby and it’s a boy, you’ll have to help me teach him all our skateboarding tricks and baseball and whatever else we’re already doing. Okay?”
I give him a nudge, and he lifts his head, a hint of a smile curling his lips now. “Okay!”
“I’m the youngest, so I can tell you, I always looked up to Uncle Aiden and Uncle Alex. It’ll be just like that. You’ll be the great big brother, and he’ll think you know everything.”
“I will know a lot more than a baby does!” Ryan’s voice is louder, and the clench of worry in my chest unfurls.