Page 82 of A Little Luck
“I was so embarrassed.” My chin drops. “Then I thought I could handle it. I knew him, right? We’d grown up together. I could make it stop.” Quiet creeps into my tone. “Then when I realized I couldn’t, I was afraid I’d waited too long to say something. When I tried to fight him, he’d tell me, ‘See? You’re just like I am.’ He’d say he was going to tell people I hit him, too… And all I could think was what if they believed him?”
“We would’ve believed you.” Britt’s voice is quiet, and she wraps her arms on top of Cass’s. “We know you.”
“The night I found out I was pregnant, I was so hopeless. I knew I’d never get away from him.” It’s quiet as I finish the story. “I stood in that bathroom, looking at that pink plus sign, and I begged to be free of him. I begged with all my heart, from the bottom of my soul…” Lifting my eyes, I gaze at the millions of actual stars overhead, and I wonder who answered that desperate cry for help. “It was the night he died.”
No one speaks. Two sets of arms hold me, and I realize we’re rocking slightly, side to side. I realize the cannonball is gone, and I don’t feel like my chest is about to explode. The ocean has drained away, and I’m no longer drowning.
I’ve spoken my truth to the two people I should’ve trusted so long ago, and they’re still here, holding me together, sharing my pain. Lifting my hands, I hold their arms.
“I just want to be normal. I want to be beautiful like the both of you. I don’t want to be scarred and…” I swallow the tears, “ugly.”
“You are so beautiful.” Britt gently strokes my hair back. “Can you really not see that?”
“No.”
Cass lifts her chin. “I’ve still got connections in the beauty industry. I’ll ask about scar revision and what’s new. You don’t have to see them forever.”
Nodding, I blink down, and fresh tears are on my cheeks. “I’ve made peace with them. They show me I’m strong, and I can survive. But I don’t know what someone else will see.”
“They’ll see a beautiful, strong woman who lived through hell and came out alive.”
“Maybe… maybe not.” I let the tears fall.
“Oh, honey.” Britt hugs me closer. “The right man will love you no matter what. I’m proof of that.”
“Yes…” I take the tissue and blot my face. “You have these wonderful men who would give their lives for you. Mine only wanted to hurt me. What’s wrong with me?”
“Nothing.” Britt tilts her head to the side. “I know a man who would give his life for you. A man who already thinks you’re the most beautiful thing on the planet. And he’s been to a lot of beautiful places.”
Beautiful places… That night in bed when we’d talked about Moloka’i and all the beautiful things he’d seen.Everything beautiful in the world reminds me of you.
A smile tugs at my lips, and I can’t believe I can smile. “Adam.”
“Does he know?” Concern lines Cass’s face.
Shaking my head, I twist my fingers. “I don’t know how he’s going to take it. Rex was his best friend. They were like brothers. If he doesn’t—”
“Adam will believe you.” Britt is emphatic. “He’s in love with you. He has been for so long.”
“I’m so afraid of what he’ll say.” Lowering my chin, I rub my forehead. “What if he doesn’t? What if he can’t?”
“He can.” Cass threads her fingers in mine. “He knows you as well as we do, and if I’m wrong, we’re always here for you.”
“Thank you for telling us.” Britt looks up at me, and my vision blurs with tears.
We’re all crying now, but this time it’s tears of freedom. My friends’ arms surround me, and I look up again at the multitude of stars, as gratitude squeezes my heart. I’ve made the first step.
I have to believe I can make the next one.
CHAPTER18
ADAM
“What’s going on with you and Piper?” It’s the night before the wedding, and Aiden is beside me at the bar in Stone Cold. “Don’t think I haven’t noticed you two eye-fucking each other all week at the house.”
The bar is closed, and I’ve cued up songs on the jukebox. I’m not feeling the 1990s surfer vibes as much as I was a few months ago, when we were celebrating Aiden and Britt’s upcoming nuptials.
Tonight, I’m feeling more of the angst. It’s a Billy Joel, Bob Dylan, Tyler the Creator kind of night—“Don’t Think Twice, It’s All Right” as opposed to “All the Small Things.”