Page 15 of Admittedly For Me
“You need to share some with the recipe, Daisy girl,” Ian softly speaks, and I wonder why he keeps the nickname since I’m losing petals of joy each day. “De-glaze the pan, or it’ll burn.”
“I’m scared to.” I take another sip of wine, feeling I’ve reached my limit. “All the cooking shows have flames happen afterward.”
“Pour the wine in.” Taking a step closer, he’s now by my side, encouraging me. “I promise there won’t be a flame.” I feel safe with him close, but maybe it’s all the time we’ve been spending together this entire summer.
I take a deep breath and pour some wine into the pan. It doesn’t burst into flames. Confused, I glance over my shoulder, my head a little too close to Ian’s than it should be. The pan sizzles loud as steam rises.
“You gotta scrape it.” I turn back and push some of the food around. “Use some force, Emery.” He’s hovering over me, watching me burn it. “Like this.” Ian steps behind me and holds the wooden spoon over my hand. My breath hitches with his touch, and I want more. So much more. I’ve heard him talk about what he’s capable of in bed. That conversation accidentally came up one night when I complained that sex might be overrated.
Ian lets go of the spoon and takes a step back. “See? No flames. You had nothing to worry about.”
Turning to face him, the only flames are the ones burning between us. His eyes drifting over my mouth confirm that.
He’s also the only person who truly makes me feel.
Having me laugh in moments I want to cry.
Encouraging me to try new things I’m not confident with.
I’m finding myself in him again.
Our moment ends when the timer goes off. Ian busies himself with straining the pasta as I grab two bowls from the cabinet. The sauce smells amazing, and I can’t help but to grab a spoon and try it before we sit down.
“My God, this tastes so good,” I say as the creamy wine sauce with a hint of pesto awakens my taste buds.
Ian walks over with a bright smile. “You did it. I’m proud of you.” It only took a couple of months to make something this perfect on my own, with a little personal twist. He’s so patient with me. “How do you feel?” He believes I’ll be able to heal and find my old self again. I’m starting to believe it too.
“I’m proud of myself.” My smile is wide as I’m filled with pride. “I can cook proper food now.” Right away, my smile drops. I can’t tell my parents that I accomplished this. But would they even be proud if they didn’t care enough to teach me. To take the time and cook proper meals for me?
“Hey.” Ian tips my chin up, reading my mind. “Let yourself be happy for a moment.” I pout, but nod. “Should I eat another cupcake so you can laugh at my reaction again?” His grip still holding my chin.
I feel a grin making its way across my face. Staring into his intense blue eyes, this moment feels right. He swallows as his eyes flick to my lips and back up to lock onto my gaze. He feels this too. Holding the counter for support, I push up onto the balls of my feet to lean in. Except he stands tall, and his hand drops from my face. Then it clicks. I initiated him cheating on my best friend.
This is not who I am. I may vomit. I stumble backwards as I internally scream at myself. I was too focused on forgetting my parents and wanting to escape grief.
How did I stoop this low?
“I’m sorry.” I hear the panic rise in my voice. This ends now. His jaw tightens as his eyes fill with frustration. “How mad are you?” Ian blinks with an annoyed sigh, but he still hasn’t said anything. “Forget it. You don’t have to answer.” I want him to back away and give me even more space, but he doesn’t. “You should leave.”
“Emery, I…” I watch him stand there, trying to form a response. Anger radiates off him as his hand brushes over his chin. He’s probably scared to hurt me.
“I hear you loud and clear. Don’t say another word. Please, leave my house before I do.” Though I’m too intoxicated to drive and would have to walk. Ian rolls his lips in with a pained face, walking out of my house.
A dog barks, bringing us out of the moment. There is not a doubt in my mind as to what he is thinking. And this time, I wonder what he’s going to do. As far as he knows, I’m taken. His hand brushes over his jaw and his eyes glance at my hand for a ring he will never see. I feel my chest tighten, unsure of what’s about to happen. I’m not ready to explain myself to him.
“Any changes you’d like me to make to the dessert tray?” I can catch my breath.
“No.”
“Well, it’s yours. Maybe you can use it for your wedding one day.” Ian smiles as I watch him try to blink back hurt. God, this man.
“Maybe.” With a small shrug, I make my way to the door. Inside is suffocating me with emotions.
“What do you think of the town after being away for so long?” He walks as he talks, and I venture behind.
“I’m not sure why people are so attracted to this small town.” I lean against the woodpile by the door. “The Falls are alright, but we aren’t that different from other small towns.”
“Tourists say the people are dandy.” Ian rests beside me and gently bumps his shoulder against mine with a smirk. “Well,mosttownspeople are.”