Page 3 of Blurry Little Lines
That evening, Max brought me my couch cushions for a makeshift bed out front of Mallory’s door and held my hand all night while we listened to my daughter cry, as she refused to come out of her room. It’s not until a couple of days later that my brother’s girlfriend, Lauren, manages to talk to Mallory and have her exit the bedroom with a smile on her exhausted, puffy, tear-stained face.
My heart jumps through my chest as I jolt awake. I open my eyes to escape my frequent vivid nightmare of Benson leaving. Rolling over, I peek above my son’s head and see my alarm will go off in a minute. It’s rare for him to crawl into my bed in the middle of the night, and I enjoy waking up to his snuggles. In an attempt to wake James, I rub his cheek and arm. He only cuddles closer and lifts the duvet over his head. I know it’s going to be another morning where he doesn’t want to get up. I shut my alarm off and give in to his cuddles because, one day, he will no longer want to do this. Like his older sister.
“Mom!” The annoyed, assertive voice of my daughter wakes me as Mallory stands over my bed. “I need my hair straightened for school.” Her hands meet her hips as her foot taps the floor.
“Why didn’t you ask me last night?” I begin to stretch, but as my eyes glance at the clock once more, I bolt out of bed.
“I did, and you promised you’d do it in the morning.” Oh, right.
“We are going to be late, Mallory. Let me straighten it tonight.”I can’t be late for work again.
“No, all my friends are having straight hair today,” Mallory whines. Instead of arguing with the demand for straight hair, I walk to my bathroom and plug in my straighter.
“Mallory, you’re not even dressed and ready to go for the day.” I sigh, hoping we can get out of here in the next twenty minutes. “We can’t be late.”
“Ugh, my uniform isn’t comfy.” She rolls her eyes. “I don’t want to wear it.”
“You’ve worn it every day for years.” I don’t have the patience to battle hair and an outfit this morning.
“I don’t want to wear a uniform anymore. Switch me to a school where I can wear whatever I want.” She picks up the straightener and points it at me. “It’s ready.” Did I have this much attitude as a child?
“James, please get dressed.” I point to the pile of clothes he’s ignoring while he jumps on the bed. “If you don’t get dressed, I will do it.” A meltdown will be a category five if I dare help. But getting dressed on his own in a timely matter never happens until I raise my voice. His independence is encouraged and yet exhausting.
“Mom, help me with my spelling words. I have a test today and cannot afford to miss a single one.” Mallory’s eyes reflect panic in the mirror as I section part of her hair and begin to straighten her pretty brunette curls.
“I’m glad you work hard at school, but don’t stress if you miss a word, babe.”
“Julien said he plans to have a perfect year with his spelling and that I’ll slip up and won’t get the perfect spelling award.” She crosses her arms. “I will not allow Julien Beaumont to beat me with spelling or getting accepted into a top-notch university.” This competition between her and her so-called rival has been going strong since kindergarten. I have no idea what sparked their hatred toward each other. Whenever I dare ask, I only receive an eye roll and “Ugh, you wouldn’t understand, Mom.”
We go over her spelling and I rush to straighten her hair, knowing we are pressed for time. James has left my bedroom with only his shirt missing from the clothing pile. The spilling sound of little pebbles in the kitchen sinks my stomach. I ignore my own work attire and run into the kitchen, defeat washing over me. The two new boxes of cereal scatter over the floor. James smiles, lying on his back, making cereal angels. His shirt is on backwards, and I know it’s going to be one hell of a fight to turn it the proper way. If not, he will spend all day sucking on the size tag at preschool.
“James, I wanted to eat that for breakfast!” Mallory yells, walking over to him while smashing all the cereal pieces along the way. “You don’t even have pants on!”
They begin arguing and refuse to eat anything else I suggest for breakfast. Up until a few months ago, the kids and I had a great morning routine. But lately, things have been chaotic, and their attitudes have really come into play. I’d like to blame it on their ages, but I feel like their father’s goodbye was what ignited all of this. They know he is no longer going to stop in, or make himself known in their lives, and it’s affecting their behavior.
The kids finally get their shoes on after the third time I ask. And once again, I’m late for work.
“Well, don’t you look like you’re in need of being bent over this desk and fucked.” I’m halfway working through my lunch break when my friend, Lauren, walks in.
“Right, as if I have the time to meet someone to help break my desk.” I turn off my screen and unwrap the burrito she placed on my endless stack of work folders. “I’m not the type of woman to hook up.”
“I’ve yet to break Adam’s desk.” She smirks, and I shake my head.
“Please don’t ruin my appetite talking about how you and my brotheryou know what.”
“Fuck?” She laughs, gathering her long blonde hair into a bun. “Kelsie, one of these days we are gonna get your proper little mouth to swear. Or at least find a certain blue-eyed someone to pull it out of you.” She winks as I try to hide the inevitable blush on my cheeks.
“He’s just a friend,” I defend. “A lifelong friend ofmy brother’s, might I add.”
“How is starting back to work treating you?” I recently returned part time to my family’s hotel business as a marketer.
“It feels good to be back in this office, but my business mind needs to sharpen.” I sigh, staring into my burrito, trying to find the right words. “My confidence with work is there, but my attitude doesn’t scream billionaire marketer anymore.”
“I know what you need.” Lauren snaps her fingers. “New lingerie.”
“I have lingerie,” I say, wondering where she is going with this. “I don’t have anyone to wear it for…”
“Trust me, new lingerie makes you feel empowered. Even if no one sees it. You will know how badass and sexy you look underneath it all.”