Page 54 of Blurry Little Lines
“I’d be more than happy to remind you again.” Max winks.
“I’m gonna kick your ass, bro.” For once, I’m on team Adam.
“All of you, out. Now.” I pour myself a large glass of water since wine is now out of the question, and they mumble amongst themselves.
“I’ll get a bag ready for the kids and bring them up to you shortly,” Max offers to my mother.
“Thank you, dear.” My mother glows. “It’s a lot to take in at once, but I have strong faith that you two will be fine.” She pulls him in for another hug.
“Kels, I have a quick errand to run and then I’ll be back,” Max explains, but I don’t bother looking his way.
“I’ll be in my room,” I mutter and head to my bed.
I can’t sit still. I’ve gotten up from my bed umpteen times to take another spoonful of Nutella from the jar I placed across the room. I figured I wouldn’t drown myself in a tub of sugary heaven if it was out of reach. But who are we really kidding? Each time I pass my full-length mirror, more confirmation washes over me other than the positive pee stick. My breasts are noticeably larger, and the bloat in my stomach is not from the extra hash browns I’ve been devouring every morning. But could it be from the hash browns? One test is not enough.
“Dammit, Adam.” I sigh and plop myself at the end of my mattress.
Really, it’s my own fault for assuming. A strict business rule is to never assume anything. This has been embedded in me since childhood. My heart is pounding through my throat, and internally, I’m screaming. My eyes remain wide and have yet to fill with expected tears.
“The price of these things should be illegal.” Max’s soft voice startles me. I glance at the two boxes of pregnancy tests in his hand. “I believe the first one Mallory gave us, but I know you.” My eyes remain on the boxes, hoping to wake from this nightmare. “You like to be overly sure.”
“My period is late.” I fill my lungs, but they quickly deflate with hopelessness. “I have my typical signs, but I believed it was just stress causing everything.” I shake my head, still not able to meet his eyes. “How could I be this irresponsible, Max?” I hear my voice break as my eyes blur, and tilt into him as his weight pulls me close from taking a seat beside me on my bed.
“Hey, I didn’t double check if you were on the pill. This isn’t all on you.”
“You didn’t doubt I was not on birth control because I didn’t ask you to wear a condom. You trusted me. This is my fault.” I lie back on the mattress and just as my hands rest on my stomach, I move them above my head. I can’t deal with a growing bump right now. “I don’t want you to feel trapped in this.”
“Want to know a secret?” He looks down at me and I shoot him a look, knowing he’s gonna talk regardless of my answer. “You are the first woman I never wrapped my dick up with. I have trust issues and the emotional connection is never something I wanted to risk.” His face softens. “But it felt right with you.”
“What the hell does that mean?” I sit right up as confusion consumes me and slightly pisses me off.
“It means if I ever did not wrap it up and accidentally got someone pregnant, you’d be the only person worth the risk.”
“Well, risk fucking taken and implored, Max!” I lift my hands and stand, needing to walk off my, myeverything.“This is a mess. I just started back to work full time, the kids and I are trying to figure out how to cope as a family of three, and goodness! My divorcejustfucking finalized.” I’m starting to sound like my brother with the string of F-bombs coming through me. Right now, I don’t care. “I know I can do it alone, but I was starting to accept that more children and a relationship were out of the question.” Max’s lips are rolled in, and the slight squint of one eye, I know he wants to speak but is giving me the floor.
My hand instinctively rests on my stomach, but I jerk it away as if the being inside is toxic. It’s cruel, but I feel the universe has played me dirty.
“Now you can have both.” He gives a half-hearted smile, unsure of what to say.
“I am not romantically involved with you.”
“I know how you feel about me, Kelsie.” Max pushes off the mattress and stands. “We stoppedplaying housebecause it was becoming too real. Now, it is.”
“I, I can’t give my soul to you. I’m so petrified to lose you as a friend, Max.” My nose stings as my tongue swells in my mouth. “I can’t have you walk out on me.”
“I am here for you. For Mallory, James, and this baby.” His hands cup my face, and I know he’s not lying, but I can’t give in. “Romantically involved or not, I’m by your side.”
“I need wine, and I now can’t have any because of thisthing.” I point to my stomach as my bratty tone cuts through. I need to grow the hell up.
“Thing?” His hands vanish from my body, and he steps back. “Maybe the world is telling you to stop drowning in bottles of alcohol like you have been the past few months.” I expect Max to wince as if he regrets his words, but his jaw is firm, towering over me.
“I’m going through a lot and the bottles of wine were helping until I replaced them with your body.”
“And now, part of my body is in you.” He steps close and his hand tips my chin up. “Maybe it’s time you accept it and calm the fuck down.” My nails dig into the palms of my hands for restraint.Does he have a fucking death wish? “Stress isn’t good for our baby.”
“Did you read that on some lame baby app?” I roll my eyes.
“In fact, I did. I downloaded one while I was waiting in line to buy your tests.” His schoolboy grin is proud.