Page 56 of Blurry Little Lines
“It’s done and over with, Max. We were irresponsible, and this is the cause of it. Let’s own up to our-” She damn well better not say a mistake. “Our multiple rounds of fun, and accept that we now have a lifelong reminder of sharing a few orgasms.”
“A reminder of sharing a few orgasms?” I run a hand through my hair and force out a chuckle so I don’t blow my fucking top. “I think of this child as more than a few rounds of fun, but glad to know where you stand.”
Kelsie’s hands slap the couch as she stands with frustration. Her little legs begin pacing back and forth in front of the coffee table. Her thumbnail clicks between her teeth as she chews it. I stay silent as her arms cross, then lift to the air before meeting her sides with a deflated clap. Her cheeks suck in as she stares out the large window to the dusk sky. Shaking her head, loose brown strands fall from her ponytail. Her lips part in an attempt to speak, but there are no words. It’s clear she is not ready to share her top five baby names like I am.
“It’s obvious I’m not as thrilled as I was for Mallory or James. Look at my situation, Max.” I’ll give her that. “Getting pregnant is definitely not the smartest way to get me and my children’s lives back on track.” I’ve never seen her more disappointed with herself. “God, and to have my best friend knock me up. This is such a flipping cliché. I can hear the rumors from the elites starting as of now.”
“Fuck the rumors. I don’t care what people say.” I stand with Adam with his viewpoint of elite gossip. Waste of breaths. “If anything, Kelsie, you should be happy it wasn’t a one-night stand or casual hookup who put a baby in you.”
“You know me well enough to know I wouldn’t succumb to being someone’s piece of ass for the night.” Her claws are coming out now asOffice Kelsiekicks in. “I have too much respect for myself to let some manwhore fill his ego.” Her attempted insult brings a flush to her face, and I watch us flash through her mind.
“That’s right. Kelsie doesn’t like her perfect little body to be manhandled.” I walk closer, backing her against the wall. “I forgot how much you hated calling out my name and shaking beneath me.”How’d we go from arguing to this?
“I’m so mad at you,” she whispers, but her chest rises with skin pebbled in goosebumps.
“No.” My forearm rests on the wall beside her head and the back of my other hand brushes along the pulse of her neck. “You’re mad at yourself because you are so desperate for me to dominate your body again.”
My thumb presses to her bottom lip, pulling it down when her hand wraps around my wrist. I know how she feels. She was blunt about why we called this off. Now is the perfect time for her to give in and fall. Tears brim her eyes as my hand gets returned to my side. Her lips roll in a tight line, giving depth to the dimples I hope our child inherits. As her mouth forms anO, she blows out a breath and adverts her eyes to the bottom right corner. A look she only has when thinking about a certain asshole we all hate.
“I am mad at myself.” Her whisper is soft and broken. “You have no idea how much your life is about to change, Max. I ruined it for you.”
“Stop, baby girl.” My tone is nothing short of understanding. “There are going to be a lot of sleepless nights and adjustments. We will figure this out together.”
“Benson was thrilled about Mallory in the beginning too.” She lets my hands cup her face to hold her gaze.
“I’m sure you asked for more children in the years leading up to James?” I ask, watching her mouth part and eyes drift.
“Benson ignored me or shot me down every single time I brought up having another child after Mallory turned a year old.” She trails off at the end.
“You’re not telling me everything.” Anticipation to make everything right ignites my body, and I need to know everything I have to fix for her soul to be complete again.
“No, I’m not.” A small laugh settles in her chest. “For the sake of his livelihood, some things don’t need to be admitted to you.”
“Please?” I loosen my angered grip I feel growing around her face.
“He came back from an extended business trip, and I think he was with another woman.” She swallows. “I asked if he cheated, and he said he didn’t sleep with anyone. But the shirts in his suitcase smelled nothing like the brand of perfume I own.” She shrugs with a soft smile. “He said we should have another baby because he loves seeing me as a mother and would do anything to make me happy.”
Romantically involved or not, Kelsie and I need to make this right for our child. This child does not need to grow up with one parent and Kelsie needs support, so she’s not overwhelmed and takes off like my mother. Postpartum depression is a serious thing. Without the right support and help, it can spiral quickly. I don’t want Kelsie to feel a moment of hopelessness. Especially before our child is even born.
“I’m not Benson, if that isn’t fucking obvious.” I press my lips gently to hers. “Let me be here for you. For all four of you.” I gently kiss her lips again, then press them to her forehead. The longing in my chest drives me to take on her pain, her trust issues, and every ounce of doubt she has about me.
“Max.” Her eyes squeeze shut as a few tears fall. “If you want to move in when my pregnancy is over, I won’t stop you.” She gasps a few times as if her lungs can’t fill with enough air. “You can be as involved as you want.” I wrap my arms around her to soothe her panic, but she pushes me away. “I need the next handful of months to live alone. Every time I close my eyes, I hate myself for not seeing Benson for who he was sooner. I can’t let you blindside me either.”
“I won’t hurt you.” My voice is laced with anger at her accusation, but I want her to know for certain.
“Prior to this moment, I knew where your views stood on a situation like this. You have preached it your entire life. It’s okay to stay true to who you are, Max.” She takes a step to the side and walks toward her room. “I said you can move in after. Just please leave me alone for the next little while. Go, Max. If I desperately need you, I promise I will not hesitate to give you a call.”
“I’m not missing a doctor’s appointment.” I shoot her a pointed look as she walks down the hall.
“Okay.” Her bedroom door clicks, squeezing my heart as if it’s been smashed between the hinges.
A week has passed, and I haven’t been able to sleep. My pregnancy knowledge makes me comfortable enough to have an in-depth conversation about how the miracle of life works and the process of growing a baby. Adam and I sit at the bar in the hotel lounge we used to frequent. He’s on his second beer, while I still haven’t been able to stomach my first. I run a hand through my hair and decide to finally break the silence.
“I want to be there for her, Adam. She’s keeping me at such a cordial distance.” I’ve taken the kids to school twice this week, and I know she’s trying to hide how exhausted she is. “I can’t have both of you hate me.”
“You breached bro code, Max.” Adam shakes his head and keeps his eyes forward. “What do you expect?”
“I was going to take the punch you wanted to throw.” I know how badly Adam restrained himself. I have his mother to thank for being present because I know Adam respects her enough to not have her witness violence.